Yard sale

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SNEEVIL

This is my adopted goth fetus named "Cringe". Hooray fetus!


Yard sale
08.04.04 (10:20 am)   [edit]

I love going to yard sales.  You can really find some great stuff at them.  But now that I have so much wonderful crap, I no longer seem to have room for myself and my daughter in our tiny little house..  So, I'm thinking I'm gonna have to have a yard sale of my own this weekend.  I found some useful tips from "The Onion".Holding A Yard Sale


  • To enable easier browsing, arrange items in order of their shittiness.
  • Put your used underwear out for sale. Yes. Put it out. Yes. Yes. Oh, yes, put it all out for sale.
  • Try to arrange your random cast-off crap in such a manner as to cause strangers and passersby to burst into tears at the sheer crippling mundanity of it all.
  • Don't put out that used electric hotdog cooker. Not only will no one buy the appliance, but your neighbors will be filled with disgust over living so close to someone who owned one.
  • A dollar is a bit pricey for those Reader's Digest condensed books, Professor Smarty.
  • Please don't sell our Inchworm riding toy! We know we're 37 years old now, but please don't sell our Inchworm Ridey!
  • A free box is a great way to get rid of incriminating evidence.
  • The No. 1 thing yard-sale customers are looking for is a great value. Lucky for you, the No. 2 thing they are looking for is faded purple size-26 Hanes stirrup pants.
  • Having shoppers sign a standard yard-sale contract will ensure that all sales are final.
  • Yard sales are like love: If you let your guard down and present everything you've got to the world honestly and without shame, someone is bound to end up with a bunch of your old clothes.
  • Don't let your children price items. They price the items too high, as you are raising greedy little monsters.
  • Don't forget to chuckle and tell every single customer that the yard is, in fact, not for sale.
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    posted by: James (reply)
    post date: 08.04.04 (10:29 am)

    Nice.

    I too have cr..ud, that I would like to throw into such a sale. Though, since you work on Saturday, how would you pull off such an event?


    posted by: Marko (reply)
    post date: 08.04.04 (12:21 pm)

    I think, if anyone asks if your yard is for sale, you should say yes, and then quote a price of $84,000 cash, and see if they take you up on it.

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