I'm supposed to be writing my English essay, but I was inexplicably drawn here and decided to tell you all about my evening last night. 

McStinky is having a pirate party on Friday.  It's her birthday and although I didn't really think I could afford to go, I'm going anyway.  So after school yesterday, I decided to go to Value Village.  There I found the perfect white billowy blouse, a pair of spanky wine colored velvet pants and a black pirate vest.  I took my outfit home and tried it on.  After a few alterations and ingenious accessorizing, I beheld myself in the mirror.  My soft pants were tucked in and the buckles in my swashbuckling boots shon in the dim lighting.  My hair tucked under a bright red long kerchief couldn't have been cooler, the streaks of red just showing.  I had a blue sash cinching my waist over the black vest.  And over the sleeves of my blouse, I wore black gloves with high leather cuffs that stuck out.  I thought about wearing an eyepatch, but that would have been cliche, don't you think? 
The only thing I was missing was a rapier.  So I used a stick instead. 

I thought to myself, "I wonder if I could really pull off this pirate bit."  So I went to the store to see.  "Yar!" I declaired to the clerk when I walked in.  "I'll take me a bit o that thar chewin tabacca if yer don't mind."  The clerk looked at me funny.  I percieved that to be the submissive fear that I would expect from someone coming face to face with a pirate.  He reached above his head and brought down the tobacco.  I opened the tin and placed a wad of it in my cheek while he rung in the purchase.  I pulled my stick...er, rapier on him after he told me how much it was going to cost me. 

"Yer not a scholarly gent, arrre ya?"  I asked as I assumed my fighting pose, rapier held high in front of me.  "What the F*&K?" the clerk asked.  I was quite incensed for being sworn at, so I abruptly flicked my wrist, snapping my weapon down on the counter with a loud crack.  The cleark jumped and oggled me.  "I've no money in me purse!" I yelled at him.  "How about yer fill it fer me like a good lad?"  As I neared with my bag, he abruptly pulled out a can and aimed the nozzle at me.  I laughed to think that he was going to defeat me with hairspray, but my laughing quickly turned to tears as I fought my way through the pepper spray and out the door. 

I returned home, walking slowly through the sparsly lit alley ways.  My head hung low as I whiped the tears that continued to spring from the fountains of my eyes.  I passed a young man in the alley and through my half-closed lids, I could see him staring at me.  I pulled my rapier and lunged at him, yelling YAR!!! in the biggest scariest voice I could muster.  He caught my weapon and broke it over his knee before chuckling and walking away.  I gathered the pieces of my stick.  Yes, now it really was nothing more than a stick, and continued home.  The tears that flowed now were real.  Who was I kidding?  I'm no pirate.  I have no pirate blood.  I have no pirate training.  I was a failure.  A flop!  I'll never be a real pirate.  I couldn't even pirate software properly.

Disheartened, I undressed and climbed into bed.  Reluctant to give up, I thought that maybe I just need practice.  tomorrow I'll try again.  Maybe tomorrow I'll fix my stick, er..rapier and try the old folks home instead. 

Yes.  Tomorrow. 

So who the hell is the next US president? 
I say that after four years of blowing things up, it's time to get some fresh meat in the hot seat to fry for a bit.  I mean, how much worse can it get? 
Okay, I suppose it could get a lot worse.  But the horse that Bush is riding is called Homeland Security.  So, now that all of their population controlling terror regulator is in place, how hard can it be to maintain?  If you're wondering what I'm refering to, it's that farce of a terrorism alert meter.  Yeah...lets raise it to orange to spur a national shopping spree!  What a great idea!!!

It's an economic booster shot, nothing more.  People get scared, so they react.  Self preservation is instinctual.  Orange alert.  Better stock up on gasoline and generators.  Buy all the canned food your shelves can hold.  Don't forget the shit paper, because you never know how long you might be holed up in your basement squatting over a five gallon bucket.

Sure, okay...terrorists have attacked before, but how preventable was that...really.  If the people who's job it was to prevent something like that weren't preoccupied with flicking their boogers across the room, they could have stopped it.  They don't need a stinking terrorism meter.  They had the resources to protect the country before Bush was elected, and they still have them now.  The situation is that terrorism exists, yes.  So do car accidents, tornados, and many other means of human demise.  I'm not saying that NOTHING should be done, but there are and always have been preventable measures in place.  Just like there are preventable measures for a million other ways to die.  What makes Bush so much more qualified to keep them in top shape than Kerry?  I see fraud, greed and murder.  I see the sacrifice of human life for financial gain.  I see lies and manipulation by a leader of his own people.  And I see OIL.

All in all, Kerry hasn't bent anyone over and pounded their ass.  Bush's election was incredibly fishy and months after he assumed his position as pitcher, it was discovered that if the election hadn't been fudged, he would have lost.  Funny how those technological glitches show up at the most opportune moments, isn't it?

I know it's not my country, and I have no say in the matter, but I am completely and utterly anti-Bush.  And if there is a God in heaven, he will not get re-elected.  I think that there are an awful lot of people out there who agree with me.  But I also think that through oppression and manipulation, he will serve another term and he will be the undoing of the entire world. 

So, I find myself painfully pessimistic.  Bush has clout.  That's pretty obvious.  Most likely more clout than Kerry will ever have.  He'll find a way to remain and reach his greasy fingers into the assholes of every country on the planet.  If he is re-elected, I think his victory will be a catalyst.

I believe in signs and prophecies.  Meteor?  Tidal waves?  Volcanos?  Plague?  There are a hundred ways that the entire race of humans can be extinguished.  I believe that we will all be destroyed with our own hands.  I believe it will be relatively soon.  Perhaps even in my lifetime and I don't harbour much hope for the future.

I fear that some day, I may have to kill someone to stay alive or to protect my daughter.  I fear that someday, I will see someone I care for be killed in front of me.  I fear that in the future, we will all be forced to take up arms for our own survival. 
We will all lose in the end.

Hey!  Whatever happened to North Korea and their nuclear threat anyhow?  We KNOW that they have nuclear resources.  Iraq...not so much.  Hmmm, seems as though the world's attention has been diverted.  Funny, isn't it?  Lets have an election!

A man went to his boss's costume party with nothing on but a naked young woman on his back.

"So what the hell are you supposed to be?" the boss asked.

"I'm a snail," the man replied.

"What a load of crap!" his boss spat. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that naked young woman on your back?"

"You've got it wrong," the man replied, "That's Michelle."

Today was not good.  I wrote a previous post, but I deleted it because it really wasn't fair or nice at all.  I was just fed up with stuff.  So I skipped my Psych class today and went to see a movie.  Then I went to pick up Leah.

We sat together at the kitchen table and she read me a story.  And as she spoke, I watched her.  The way she would giggle this tiny little laugh when she was amused or when she made a mistake.  The way she made up the story because she can't read yet, but she can remember most of it.  Her little voice telling me her version of what it says.  The tips of her fingers turning white becaus the book was too heavy for her to hold upright, but she did it anyhow.  Her little nose and the way it crinkles when she laughs.  And her eyes as they dart back and forth, searching out the pictures, and then locking with mine to be sure I was listening and understood.  Suddenly all of the bad things that happened today just melted away and they weren't important anymore.  All that mattered was Leah and I and our story.

Then we got home and I started reflecting on our past together and thinking about our future.  It hasn't been easy for us.  I've dealt with a lot of guilt, working so much and trying to raise her properly.  I often doubt the job that I'm doing, but really...I'm just wingin' it.  I know I'm doing my best, but how do I know if it's good enough?  I still feel kind of cheated out of the whole "parenthood" experience.  I've already missed so much, and we'll never have those years back. 

I was working on the computer and she came up to me and stood there until I looked at her.  Then she told me that it was time for my first hug, and hugged me.  "Mommy?  I love you so much."  is something said to me every day.  And it's something said back to her every day.  Sometimes I don't want her to grow up.  I don't want to ever lose her, in any way.  Someday, there won't be any more requests for mommy to play with her.  Someday there won't be those sponteous hugs, or the I love you's for no reason.   

But I think that today, I am the luckiest person in the world.  Not every house has the blessings that we do.  We've been all we had at times.  We've gotten each other through tough times and been there for each other when no one else was.  When one is sad, the other comforts.  Somehow, we were all each other really needed. 

The miracle of having children doesn't end at birth.  It keeps on, and it is more precious, more moving and stronger every day.  The power that little girl has to make me smile when I'm blue is amazing.  So, I realized that my bad day wasn't so bad after all.

Saturday night, I babysat for Carrie and Cory.  I started getting dressed to leave and was surprised by all the SNOW that I didn't see.  Yes, it seems that there was no snow out there.  So I hopped in my car and drove home.  It was cool because I finally got a chance to try out my studded tires in the snow that wasn't there.  They worked really well and I got home without incident. 

Sunday, Leah and I went to Carrie's where Lex dyed everyone's hair.  Yes, that's right, even Leah is sporting a head full of bright red streaks.  Carrie's hair is now purple, blue and green.  Mine is black and bright red.  All in all, it was a lot of fun.  Leah got to go outside and play with some neighbour kids in the imaginary snow.

This morning, reality set in as I was outside grumbling about how the wind blew the snow back into my face as I tried to clear off the car.  That made me bitchy.  I got Leah to daycare without a problem.  Damn them tires work good!!!  They're steel studded winter tires.  YAY!  So then I caught the bus from Central Ave.  It took over a half an hour to get to campus.  I was late for my English tutorial. 

The tutorial was alright.  I got my first english essay back.  Although I thought I deserved a higher mark than I got, as I was leaving, my TL told me how much she enjoyed it and that I got the third highest mark in the class.  The highest was an 80.  I guess I don't feel quite so bad about it anymore.  I expected them to be marked tough.

Now I'm off to the bank and stuff.  Hopefully get all that done today and be back in time for my Ulife class at 1:30. 

Ciao!

Birdie died.  I didn't know him long, but he was a good birdie.  He was a little bitchy, but he wasn't feeling too good.  I still think he will go to birdie heaven.

I had put him in a nice dark, quiet place so that he could rest without being bothered by the cat.  This morning I went to check on him and he was just sitting there in his cage, not moving.  So I bumped the cage just a tad to see if he'd move, and he did. 

At this point I was thinking that maybe I'd have to give him water with an eye dropper, so I was researching that on the internet.  I heard birdie fluttering around his cage and I thought everything was fine.  About 10 minutes later I checked on him and he was lying motionless on his side.  So sad. 

I was going to put him in the fridge so that I could take him...somewhere to get tested for diseases, but I couldn't find my gloves.  Being unwilling to touch him with my bare hands, and running late for work, I just left him in his cage until I get home. 

Does anyone know where I should bring him?  What should I do with him?

Okay...I'm sure that every time I write that heading, you're all wondering the same thing.  Is she.................adopting another animal?

YES!!  This time it's a birdie.  Jake found it outside and had it cornered against the house.  He took a nip at it, and I thought it might be hurt or sick because it didn't seem to be able to fly away.  It flew for a couple of feet and landed in Leah's sandbox, but that's where it stayed. 

So, I rushed out to the shed and got my gardening gloves and a small rodent cage that the previous owners of the house just left there.  I kept it because you never know when you'll need a rodent cage.  ;) 

So I caught little birdie and put him in the cage.  It's funny...and kinda crazy...but I have everything here needed to house and feed a wild bird.  I have some fresh crickets that were for my lizard, so I put a few of them in there.  I put some duct tape around the bottom of the cage so that if they climbed up they'd get stuck in the glue...but they outsmarted me.  Okay, crickets are out unless I put birdie right in the cricket box.  Could do that.  Maybe tomorrow.  Happily, I have some bloodworms in my freezer.  (don't ask).  So I put some of them in there too.  Hopefully birdie eats tomorrow.  I don't think he will tonight.  He seems a little freaked out. 

So, Monday I'll bring him to vet med and see if they want him.  If not, I'll take him to SPCA.  My super power is rescuing animals, not keeping them.  Okay, sometimes I keep them, but only if they're domesticated.  

Here I sit.  At work after a day of running my ass off on campus.  It was the big university recruitment, Experience US.  So, I thought, "what the hell?" and volunteered to help.  I was...Ahem...movement ambassador.  Although it sounds prestigious, it really means, "run your ass off all over campus and don't forget to smile, my little pet". 

Actually it wasn't that bad, and I was glad to help.  I got a fuzzy little yellow scarf for it, but man, am I exhausted. 

So here I am, having to work after that.  There's nothing to do, really.  So I play with my silly putty.  It's special silly putty.  It changes colors when it gets warm.  Mmmm.  Now it's orange.  Now it's yellow.  What fun.  We don't have any newspaper around here for me to make a print of.  That's fun too. 

Anyhow.  I need cookies.  White chocolate macadamia.  My very favourite.  I shall get some cookies now.

Bye!!

Christopher Reeve died Sunday, October 10th.  Gamers and geeks all over the world mourn for the loss of the man who's face will forever be remembered as Superman.

I'm not really sure what to write today. 
Maybe I should weave my descriptive magic to ensnare you in the web of strange oddities that ejects itself from my mind every now and then.  But I wonder if it might drive you mad to be thus captivated.  Perhaps. 

I do know of some who would pull up a chair and challenge me with but a look, to entertain.  Thereafter uttering a tiresome yawn and drift into the preferable strangeness of the dreams within their own minds.  Those which might horrify even I to the brink of madness and perhaps even beyond. 

Such is the nature of some with whom I have associated in the past, of this I am certain.  Perhaps some with whom I share myself still.  For who can say what the meek and quiet may someday be compelled to do.  What horrendous inklings lurk behind their soft and thoughtful eyes, waiting only for the catalyst to set their cogs to working.  And then, through unforseen breakthrough, finally do their twisted deviations come crashing through the thin veil of imagination.  Here now to rear their monsterous heads high above the mewling pups stranded in reality.  Insignificance stamped out by that superior power that no man may stop and nothing can contain save for the will of the puppet whos strings they pull.  Helpless is that puppet?  Perhaps not so much as those unleashed devils presume.  His is the power to cast the net and reign them in, setting his sentinal by the door and thus guard against escape.  His is the power to release that torrent upon those who would harm him.  And so now which is the puppet and which is the master?   

I ask you which would be more damning.  Which more horrific?  To have those tempests within your mind, tearing and ripping at you until you have no course left.  Until you must give yourself to them and then dive into the safety of oblivion while they do what they will with you.  Never wanting to know what tortures are inflicted with your own hand.  Consciously aware only when those evils have bored of their play and have bedded for a time.

Or, to have hold of their reigns.  To still have that wailing fury screaming within, but have the conscious ability and desire to unleash it at will, destroying those which caused your focus to light upon them for whatever reason and being happier for it.  A terrible wolf in the guise of the lamb, a monster brought forth from the chaos of its own twisted mind.  Knowledgeable and calculating and wholely in control.

I ask this because I am aware...that some of you possess the answer.  So fear not the workings of the mind of SNEEVIL, but your own.  I pray you do not gaze too deep into murk of the dark pits within which you have attempted to drown your most horrible ambitions.  Though barely stirring, they will not die.  Do not break the seal that binds them to that foul place.  You may find that which you did not expect.  Thar be monsters.

So there I am, studying like crazy because I've been procrastinating and not studying for my Psychology midterm.  I'm feeling rested because though I planned to stay up all night cramming while high on caffiene and chocolate, I decided that it would be in my best interest to get a good nights sleep.  Sleep does not equal studying.

So, I hide myself away in a computer lab and note the time.  I have two hours and 20 minutes in which to achieve this miracle.  Okay, no sweat.  I'm well into it, breathing is normal, blood pressure is down....In walks Carrie.  I try to duck, but it's no good.  She's seen me!!  It's okay...it's okay...she knows I have an exam. 

Carrie sits down beside me and asks me if I want to grab some lunch.  I decline of course...the clock is ticking.  So we strike up a nice little conversation that lasted for about 20 minutes or so.  Funny how I can resist the peer pressure, but all in all...it probably wouldn't have mattered if I had gone for lunch since our conversation took up approximately the same amount of time as woofing down a sandwich would have.  Sigh. 

So, Carrie leaves me to my work and I feel bad about telling her that I can't do lunch while feeling foolish for the wastage of time in spite of my declination.  Now I'm hungry.  So hungry I can't stand it.  So, half an hour before exam time, I sneak in to the buff for a snack.  I sit there trying my hardest to eat and study at the same time, but there is some chick sitting at the other table loudly snapping her gum.  AAAAAAGH!!!  She won't stop!!  I read one scentence and "SNAP".  I instantly forget what it said.  I try again..."SNAP".  This goes on for about 15 minutes until finally I get frustrated enough to leave.

So now it's exam time.  I take my seat and begin to answer the questions.  60 multiple choice.  Very wordy questions, I must say.  By the time I finished the exam, I was feeling pretty good about it.  Feels like an 80 or so.  I guess I'll find out on Tuesday.

In games where it involves gambling, I have never met a more unlucky person than me.  I never win anything.  Maybe that's a blessing, maybe my curse.  On the one hand, I'm no gambler.  I'll never have a problem developing an addiction to THAT.  On the other, although I've come to accept my unlucky fate, there is some primal part of me that holds onto a whisper of hope and from time to time, I'll buy a ticket for something.

I think once I won a mesh farmers hat.

So I decided to try my luck and buy a ticket for the Children's Wish Home Lottery.  I just squeaked in under the deadline.  You know when your gut just tells you to do something, it would probably be wise if you ignored it, but sometimes you do it anyhow...holding onto that hope.

So I didn't win the house.  Or thousands of dollars.  But I did bring home 500 bones!!!  YAY!  I figured that since I never got a phone call, I probably didn't win anything.  But then the lady from my bank called me and asked if I was the Michell in the paper.  Yes, they spelled my name wrong.  So I frantically searched for my ticket and after having given up, it materialized right before my eyes.  Funny how that happens. 

And, yep!  My ticket matches the misspelled version of Michell Gareau in the paper.  That brings me to my other reason for writing today.  Why is it that every time I've ever had my name in the paper, it is misspelled?  Is there some kind of mind-fucking aura surrounding my name that makes the editor's fingers too fat to type so that it can never be published properly?  I was in the paper for the first time when I was 5.  I made one of those stupid little weather drawings that they used to put beside the forecast way back when.  I think they spelled it Michlel or something like that. 

There may be hope for my luck, but as far as actually having my name printed correctly, I give up.  I guess it doesn't matter, I still have the winning ticket, don't I?  They can call me Guido if they want, as long as they hand over the cash.  :)

Well, lately it seems as though all my blog entries have been doom and gloom.  I'm here to change that today. 
Today we welcome a new addition to our family.  That's right people...
Yohootie has spawned!!

I was rooting through the fridge yesterday and I came across an interesting little item.  After having a brief conversation with Yohootie, I knew that something was up.  He was sniggering and winking at me.  I thought it might be a neurological problem, but then I looked up and what did I see????

PINK!  It's a Girl!!  There she was, in a small glass desert bowl.  She had been there for a few months at least.  She's pink and still has a liquid layer covering her, and she's dotted with little bits of white fur.  I think that Yohootie must be feeling his age.  He knows that I want my bowl back and that he is nearing the end.  I think that dried up old Yohootie can go now.  The other life form is much more interesting to look at and I'm sure she'll be much faster on turning the fridge light on and off than he was. We'll have a small little pre-flush party and then we'll send him off. 

Whoooo!!  What fun! 
Cory, me, Mike and Ruby all went and met up with Deb and Denis there.  There was lotsa colored hair, lots of PVC clothing and lots of piercings.  The first band was Hansel Und Gretel. They were great!!!  I love it when chicks sing death metal. 

We noticed that Ruby was missing at one point.  No one knew where she was.  Upon her return, Cory admonished her vigorously, telling her that there's a lot of wierdos there and she shouldn't go with any of them....as he leered down on her.  It was funny.  Turns out she went outside because she had to take a call from her Avon lady.  Yeah, Ruby was ordering Avon at an industrial metal concert.  Sigh. 

So, we moshed and got freaky.  I lost some hair, fell on the ground, and I think at one point I made a new boyfriend...not sure there.  I got one of the band members to sign my bosom...hehehe...I love the word bosom.  Then he shook my hand and thanked me for coming out.  I looked at him like he was from space, but I shook his hand. 

There were lots of people I knew there, so that was cool.  Even ran into a few people from school.  All in all, lots of fun.  Didn't get to bed until 2:30 am though.  It was hard to get my ass out of bed at 6:00, i'll tell ya.  So I found a nice hallway to sleep in after my english tutorial.  And sleep I did.  Just like a bum on a park bench.

Well, the wedding was lots of super fun.  I didn't get off work until 5, so it was around 7 when we left the city.  Stopped off at my stepmom's house on the way through P.A. to drop off our stuff and say a quick hello before blasting through on our way to the lake.  We arrived at around 10pm. 

The conversation was awesomely disturbing at times, but we would expect nothing less from a room full of gamers and a bunch of beer.  There was so much food!!!  We ate and ate.  Caitilin's dress was amazing.  I don't think I can describe it and do it any justice, but I loved their choice of not having the traditional white dress.  Check out some of the other blogs for pictures. 

Anyhow, after a while, people started filtering out (we were upstairs) and shortly after, piano music started drifting upward from downstairs.  Soon, there were many voices accompanying it.  Curious, I went to investigate.  The song was "The Lion Sleeps Tonight".  Layne was singing it...hehehehe.  Now, I don't know how much beer Layne drank, but his eyes were rolling back in his head. 

Then, JK came in and told me to put my shoes on.  We went outside where Trent was standing out by the mailbox.  We went and stood beside him and we all watched the happenings through the big window.  It was like watching TV.  Now, I had a few under my belt by then, so this was super, ultra funny to the point of absurdity.  We couldn't really hear the music, but Layne was standing next to the piano facing us....singing and when he wasn't singing, he was making very animated gestures.  This added to the fun of the game greately.  We stood there creating dialogue for him for about half an hour.  Dear lord!!!  Some of the things that came out of his mouth!!!  I nearly died laughing.  I had to go in and give Layne a hug, just because I kinda felt bad for using him to play that stupid game and he didn't even know about it...heh.  Quote of the night is...."I can only watch him in short bursts.  It's like looking at the sun". 

It was lots of fun!!!

1. Traffic lights that turn red in front of you when there is no one waiting for them.


2. Hot pink high heel shoes.  What the hell kind of trend is THAT?  Sick I tell you!!!!


3. SPAM!!!


4. Walking around with a big gob of smelly dog poop on the  bottom or your shoe.


5. Silly putty smooshed in your hair.


6. A bright red nose zit on portrait day.


7. NSF


8. The original "Dawn of the Dead".


9. Poisoned weiners


10. Flat tires


11. People who don't signal before they turn.


12. People who don't pull over to the side of the road before they turn right.


13. One handed rock climbing


14. People who think they're better than everyone else.


15. Burnt coffee


16. No coffee


17. Christmas

Things that rock

1. Going to metal concerts with your friends.


2. Good hair days.


3. Waking up every day to see that your car is still there.


4. Playing guitar.


5. Snuggling with your sweetie to watch a movie.


6. Gaming with your buddies


7. Carrie's Rolo coffee


8. Pay days


9. Sweet moments with your kids


10. Playing tag


11. Coffee and Bailey's on a cold winters day.


12. A hot bubble bath and a glass of wine.


13. A demolition derby


14. A day at the beach


15. The day AFTER christmas

Dear God, it's been awhile.  You should see the things I'm finding under the furniture.  It all started when I discovered that my aunt was down from Vancouver.  Grandma and Grandpa want to bring her over to my house for coffee today.  Now, not one of them has ever seen my little house, and I haven't given it a decent cleaning for months.  It's a horrible, sad thing.  Now I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get things looking right. 

At the same time, I'm searching frantically for my glue gun.  I desperately need it and I only have a couple of hours in which to complete my creation tonight.  Somewhere I need to find time between cleaning, coffee and Vampire tonight.  YEEEEP!!  I'm beginning to think that I don't manage my time very well.  I thought that scouring the house from top to bottom would yeild the elusive glue gun, but alas, I think the underpants gnomes got it.  No doubt in cohoots with Yohootie.  Damn his eyes!!! If he had any.

Oh, here's Mr. Snaffleburger.  Enjoy.

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