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Blog
This is my adopted goth fetus named "Cringe". Hooray fetus!
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| Surprise surprise |
| 07.30.04 (6:25 am) [edit] |
Marko
1) What's shakin' baby?
Right now, I am. Shakin' with the excitement of having the opportunity to answer your questions.
2) Where's my cookies?
Well, you have to make a date with me at least. You don't think I'm gonna give up my cookies just like that, do you?
3) Do you have plans for tonight?
Yeah, I'm going to battle the Minotaur. This time I'll bring you his hoof. And some of them ass eating sea monkeys that think I'm so tasty. :wink:
[LINE]
Take the quiz: "Which Vampire Clan Do You Belng To?"
Tzimisce
You are elegant, mysterious, cynical and can change your appearance. Clan quote: 'Welcome; a thousand welcomes! I am honored that we could put aside the Jyhad's foolish rivalries for a night, that you might come under my eaves in the spirit of-eh? you start? Ahh-that noise! A trifle! Nothing that need concern you, sweet guest!'
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5 Comments
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| Answers for All!!! |
| 07.29.04 (9:00 pm) [edit] |
John AKA Barry
1) When was Charlemagne crowned?
Right before that small town in Dublin had that mass buttock shaving fad, and right after they discovered the nose flute.
2) Are you going to come to my
bbq/housewarming/movie night thingy on the 14th?
Yes, but I'm working Saturday and I'm going to have Leah that weekend.
3) What classes are you taking in the fall?
Eng 110.6, Bio 110.6, Psychology 110.6 and possibly Chem 112.3, but I'm not sure yet about that one. Also, I have 4 HS classes as well.
[LINE]
rilla
1) When you're running late, what's the one thing that you consistently drop off of your "get ready" list.
Contacts and/or makeup.
2) If you could eat half an apple pie or three chocolate chip cookies, which would you pick?
Are they cookies that I made myself? Because they're pretty damn good cookies, ya know. Do I get ice cream? 'cause if I get ice cream, it's pie all the way.
3) Do you pick door number one, two, or three?
Door number three. Door number one always has the monster and two, which is so obvious, leads to the bog of eternal stench.
[LINE]
McStinky
1) When selecting peaches, do you squeeze them until you find one with the desired firmness, or do you sneak a bite when nobody is looking?
I squeeze them. They are so soft. Soft enough to rub on my cheek. Then I grab a pile of nectarines and throw them in the peach bin and stand around to watch the confusion.
2)if your favorite color suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth, would you pick a new favorite color or would you prefer to walk around naked?
I don't have a favourite color. I DO, however, hate pink. So I'd wear something other than pink.
3) do you know of anyone that needs a room mate? (i desperately DESPERATELY need to move out of my house)
I wish I had more room. I don't know anyone.
[LINE]
care
1. are you really willing to squeegie a guys car with boullion for 10$?
Depends. Is he a feeble little old man? Because that wouldn't be a problem. If he's a big ole buff handsome dude, I'd still do it...just to watch him get out of his car and chase me down the street.
2. Can you really tango?
Only after 3 martinis, 5 sourpuss shooters and a half a case of beer. hic...I'm tangled alright...hic.
3. Coming over for coffee tonight because I need a friend?
I would have loved to, but I had to pack up for our camping trip tomorrow. I didn't get your post until 10:30pm. Sorry Care...we have to do it after I get back on Monday.
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| My Tortured MIND!!! |
| 07.29.04 (6:06 am) [edit] |
It's toying with me, you see. I can't get it out of my head!!!
Last night I'm sleeping pretty soundly when Leah comes into my room. I don't remember why, I was pretty foggy. So we have this conversation that I can't remember and she goes back to her room crying. I get up and go into her room where she's lying on the bed. So I tell her, "It's 2:30 in the morning, Leah. I'm not about to sit here doing math equations with you in the middle of the night."
She stops crying and looks up at me with a very confused expression on her face. "But I just want you to tuck me in!" She says to me.
Oh.
So, I appologize and tuck her in her bed. Kiss her goodnight and tell her I love her.
Damn you, Algebra! Damn you to HELL!!!
[LINE]
Okay, I find myself inexplicably interested in playing the 3 question game.
Ask me 3 questions. Ready? Go.
[LINE]
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4 Comments
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| AlgeBLAH! |
| 07.28.04 (6:35 am) [edit] |
I'm doing algebra. It's a high school correspondance course. And, it's turning my mind to mush.
Algebra wasn't exactly one of my stronger subjects in school and I was more than happy to forget it's existance once I graduated. Now, years after I had donned that cap and gown, the monster that is algebra is once again knocking at my door.
I opened that door, just a crack. I was remembering how over-reactive teenagers can be. I probably made a much bigger deal of it than it actually was. I thought that it couldn't possibly be all that bad. Perhaps we can even be friends this time around. We just have to understand each other. Imagine my surprise when it reached its gnarled hand through that opening, throwing the door open wide and went straight for my jugular!
I couldn't even scream, and as I thrashed and struggled, I could feel my life ebbing away. It held me up by the throat and brought it's horrible, malice filled eyes toward mine until our faces were almost touching. I could smell the stink of its rotten breath. I saw there, intelligence and triumph.
The only thing that I could think to do, as tiny dots began to dance in front of my vision and my strength seeped from me, was to try to gain a tiny bit of understanding so that I might be able to ultimately tame this unruly beast. So, I kicked it in the junk as hard as I could. Heh, it understood THAT all right.
It dropped me and uttered an enraged howl that pierced my ears. It hastily retreated back into the windy night, the door slamming shut behind it. I curled up in a corner, coughing and sputtering. My throbbing bruises, as well as my ego, caused tears to spring forth as I gasped to regain my breath. So there I sat, sucking my thumb and weeping like a little school girl.
This will not be easy. Next time, it might be wearing a cup.
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2 Comments
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| How do you do the things that you do? |
| 07.27.04 (6:50 am) [edit] |
Isn't it funny how people can spend years and years wandering through life, either with a known purpose or without. And during our travels, of the many people we meet, how many names we forget. We throw up a curtian of illusion in order to portray what you think they want to see. Becoming false for the benefit of these people, whos memory is eventually destined to become obscured within the jumbled thousands of other memory fragments floating inside your brain, so that you might someday recognize their face if you were to see them on the street.
And then, through coincidence, luck, fate perhaps, you find yourself staring into the face of one person who is somehow able to claim a prestigious place in our lifelong memories. It is something undefinable. You can't quite put your finger on it, but you almost feel as though you already know this person. They see you, as though you are trying to hide behind a sheet of glass and they smile. You intuitively recognize them and you are instantly friends. I speak of kindred spirits.
There are only a handful of these, what I like to call Known People, that enter the drama of our lives. These people, through their influence, have the power to help you climb mountains or bury you beneath them. They can set the very stars in motion and change the course of your entire life. Your existence, attitudes and choices are shaped by them to an extent that I do not believe most of us are willing to realise.
An easy, effortless friendship that you work at because you enjoy it so much. Comfort within the knowledge of each other, even though that knowledge hasn't necessarily been voiced, brings down walls and defences as easily as the trembling wrath of an earthquake. So now we are suddenly vulnerable but somehow happy that someone has so easily been able to breach the fortress that we build around ourselves, as though they already had the key. Whether we have voluntarily hidden ourselves away, or we have been freed, the door has been opened and we can once again see the sun.
How good it feels, to be able to shrug off those pretenses around a Known Person who is free enough to do the same.
How wonderful to be comfortable enough to be real.
[LINE]
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3 Comments
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| Advertising MADNESS!!! |
| 07.23.04 (9:48 am) [edit] |
I hate television.
You watch 15-20 minutes of the program that you really want to see, and for the other 10-15 minutes, you are bombarded with hundreds of images and sounds. Your entire existance is filled with screaming announcers pitching the latest deodorant fragrance, clumping cat litter, a piece of cloth that miraculously picked up a cheesie, and pairs of jeans that apparantly have sex in a hamper. 30 second increments of assault flowing through our minds, polluting and implanting suggestions and thoughts. Conditioning our reactions and attitudes. And why do we subject ourselves to this? To catch that 20 minutes of programming which, in all honesty, is usually a complete waste of time in the first place. Television does nothing if not distract us from real life. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY AND I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE!! If you want an amusing distraction, smoke a joint and go fishing. It's less harmful to your brain.
So, for the sake of keeping my daughter's mind reasonably clear, I don't have cable. The television is rarely on, and when it is, it is for a Disney movie. Control is the key word here. Take control yourself and your children or let society do the controlling for you. Think about it. Do you really think that healthy minds are the product of television? Once their impressionable little brains have been poked and stirred and then set on high to bake, the emergence of a twisted, misinformed, credit card carrying consumer, who is convinced that the latest and greatest is the way to go, is really no surprise. These are the people who believe that society wouldn't hurt them. These are the people, for whom the warning signs on irons caution to remove cloting BEFORE ironing, have been etched in products because they no longer have the need for common sense. Everything they will ever need to know, and don't need to know, is being subliminally fed directly into their minds!! Why think at all??
But advertisers don't stop at television, do they? No, not at all. They are everywhere. Billboards, magazines, park benches, taped to trees, in bathroom stalls, on cars and even before the previews when you go to see a movie, for God's sake. A MOVIE!!!. What the hell is up with that? I didn't pay $10.00 to watch a 5 minute ad for a Toyota!!! I can barely put up with the concession cartoons before the feature!
My pet peeve is the POPUPS!!! You can't even surf the flippin' internet without being bombarded by spyware ensuring that you know about the latest Jamaican cruise, or the miracle mop!! They blatantly lie to people to get them to click on their stupid ads, and it's wrong! Be sure you have good aim with that mouse pointer, because if you miss that little X and click on the ad, look out!
People should have the freedom to choose whether or not they want to subject themselves to this type of bullying. But they don't, and unfortunately, there's nothing we can do about it. Kinda makes you feel a little helpless, doesn't it? You can't even take a pee witout having a pile of ads forced mercilessly upon you.
How long do we have to put up with everyone in the world, sophisticated enough to use a keyboard, telling us what we should do or think or buy? Is it any wonder that some people just can't take it? Why are we so surprised when people just snap? People are being poisoned, and most are too trendy to even realize it. Creatures of comfort and convenience. Creatures of habit. Products of suggestion. This is society.
That's all.
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4 Comments
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| Just get through it |
| 07.22.04 (6:24 am) [edit] |
Not feeling well today. Just enough post to say hello and I'll write again tomorrow.
:(
Talking Tombstones - Must have one....
http://www.cnn.com/2004/TECH/ptech/07/08 /talking.tombstones.reut/index.html" title="http://www.cnn.com/2004/TECH/ptech/07/08 /talking.tombstones.reut/index.html" target="_blank"http://www.cnn.com/2004/TECH/...
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3 Comments
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| Conversations with a Pre Schooler |
| 07.21.04 (3:29 pm) [edit] |
[b]Leah[/b]: I’m the king of the castle. Where’s my supper?
[b]Me[/b]: Supper isn’t ready yet.
[b]Leah[/b]: I want my supper now! I’m the king!
[b]Me[/b]: If you want your supper now, then maybe you should make it yourself.
[b]Leah[/b]: I don’t know how, I’m too little.
[b]Me[/b]: Then you’re too little to be my boss.
[b]Leah[/b]: Why don’t you act more like a castle?
[b]Me[/b]: What are you talking about? I don’t want to be a castle.
[b]Leah[/b]: Then why don’t you act like it?
[b]Me[/b]: Because I’m not a castle.
[b]Leah[/b]: I can see that you’re jealous.
[b]Me[/b]: Why would I be jealous? What do I have to be jealous about?
[b]Leah[/b]: About fitting your bum in the toilet.
[b]Me[/b]: But I don’t want to put my bum in the toilet.
[b]Leah[/b]: Then you should be more delicate. Where's my supper? And my wine? I'm the king!
Yeaysus!!
:lol:
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6 Comments
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| Stupid Car |
| 07.21.04 (7:32 am) [edit] |
It keeps locking me out!
I know that maybe I left the keys in the ignition this morning when I dropped Leah off at daycare. Imagine my surprise when I came rushing back outside intending to hop in and speed away because I was late for work, and all the doors are locked. Now, I know I don't have the presence of mind to lock ALL 4 doors at the same time, but alas, there was not one door sporting the tell tale orange on the inside of the lock. How did that happen, you might ask. Well I'll tell you...my car is possessed. Yep, without a doubt. Have you ever seen "The Love Bug"? It's like that, only evil.
First it was the defrost selection on the fan blower, then the cruise control. The ball joint. The exhaust. After I fixed that, it was the vaccum hose on the map sensor. Then it was the keys locked in the trunk and the "optional" trunk release...convenient.
Now the front tire is leaking. And to top it all off, THE KEYS!!! After the last gong show involving keys, I had a new one made. Guess where it was? In the wallet that the car was holding hostage. The infernal beast even made sure that all the windows were rolled up so that I didn't even have the coat hanger option!
I've made extra sure to never close the doors while Leah is still in the car. Who knows what'll happen?
:?
Yesterday, I stayed home sick from work. My belly is still burning and I'm having a bad hair day. YARK!
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2 Comments
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| My Strategy |
| 07.19.04 (2:18 pm) [edit] |
Getting through university.
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| Why is it always on Sundays? |
| 07.19.04 (6:20 am) [edit] |
Let me tell you a little story about my Sunday afternoon.
It all started out well enough. I slept late and decided to mow my lawn before it got too hot out. So there I am, mowing away. The "lawn" is getting to a shameful length again, so the lawnmower was periodically clogging up and since its an electric one, I was rewarded with a scary electric hum every time the blades stopped turning. Eventually, this got to be too much for mr. mower so I shut it down to clear out the grass. The electrical smell of fried wires wafted up from the poor beast and when I tried to turn it back on...nothing.
"Well", I thought, in my usual upbeat manner, "I didn't really want to finish it anyhow, it's getting pretty hot out and that pool is starting to look pretty good. At least I got most of it done." So I parked the mower and went inside to find that half of the house was without power. I flipped the breaker but since the mower was already put away, I have no idea if it still works.
So, I tore the cover off the pool, put a couple of beer in a cooler and lounged in my floatie in the water. The deceptive thing about being wet is that it cools you so that you don't realize quite how hot it is out there.
I am officially a tomatoe. I look like I'm wearing a white bikini.
![]()
Sexy, eh?
It's horrible, yet comical at the same time. The worst of it is on my belly. I've never burned there before. I've never even tanned there before. So...Much...Pain!
After I was done self-destructing, I decided to clean up my computer room and get organized. Now, this is interesting. Last Friday, Jen McV had a party for her graduation. Her family is very musically inclined, so I brought my guitar with me and we all jammed after we ate. There were about 6 guitars, two harmonicas, an accordian and percussion instruments for the kids. It was soooo cool!!
I brought a watermelon which, after the party, we brought home again. That was the last time I saw it. Until Sunday. Keep in mind, it's been sitting in my computer room for 10 days. Lets just say that I think there were things living in it. Dear God, that was the worst thing ever!!
Nope, I'm wrong about that. The worst thing ever was stepping in something wet and looking down to discover that my dog has worms. Yeah. That beats the watermelon hands down. Of course I did my obligatory female freak-out, running hysterically from one end of the house to the other while waving my hands in the air yelling at the top of my lungs about how F***ing disgusting it is and throwing Leah into a bath tub to disinfect, while I clean up the mess. Then dousing my hands in bleach...just in case.
On the plus side of my day, I did have to get pet supplies and Leah and I just made it to Walmart :twisted: before it closed. I know I know, I hate Walmart too. But when you're tight on cash and have mouths to feed...well, I'll redeem myself somehow. Anyhow, the money we saved there paid for a couple of burgers and a much needed ice cream for Leah and I. I sure wasn't about to cook. Also, while cleaning up that computer room, I found my wallet that I lost last week. :)
So, that's my day in a nutshell. Hope everyone else had a good one.
:)
[LINE]
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6 Comments
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| Oh those crazy Germans (shudder) |
| 07.17.04 (12:05 pm) [edit] |
Die gar traurige Geschichte mit dem Feuerzeug
Histoire Lamentable de La Boite D' Allumettes
The Sad Tale of the Match-Box
Paulinchen was alone at home,
The parents they down-town did roam.
as she now through the room did spring,
All light of heart and soal a-wing,
she saw wherewith one strikes a light.
"Oho," says she. "My hopes awake;
Ah what a plaything these will make !
I'll rake them on the wall, h'oo !
As oft I've seen my Mother do."
And Mintz and Mountz, the catties,
Lift up their little patties,
They threaten with their pawses:
"It's against the lawses !
Me_yow ! Me-yo ! Me-yow ! Me-yo !
You'll burn yourself to ashes, O !"
Paulinchen heard the catties not,
The match did burn both bright and hot,
It crackled gaily, sputtered free,
as you it in the picture see.
Paulinchen waltzed and whirled and spun,
Near mad with joy for what she'd done.
Still Mintz and Mountz, the catties,
Lift up their little patties,
They threaten with their pawses:
"It is against the lawses !
Me-yow ! Me-yo ! Me-yow ! Me-yo !
Drop it or you are ashes, O !"
But ah, the flame it caught her clothes,
Her apron, too; and higher rose;
Her hand is burnt, her hair's afire,
Consumed is that child entire.
And Mintz and Mountz wild crying,
The while the child was frying,
"Come quick !" they said. "O Sire.
Your darling child's afire !
Me-yow ! Me-yo ! Me-yow ! Me-yo !
She's cinders, soot, and ashes, O !"
Consumed is all, so sweet and fair,
The total child, both flesh and hair,
a pile of ashes, two small shoes,
Is all that's left, and they're no use.
And Mintz and Mountz sit sighing,
With breaking hearts and crying,
"Me-yow ! Me-yo ! Me-yow ! Me-yo !
How could we let the parents know !"
While round that ash-pile glowing
In brooks their tears keep flowing.
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| Taken from "The Sneeze" (3 of 3) |
| 07.16.04 (10:17 am) [edit] |
"The lessons offered in this classic by Heinrich Hoffman have been causing little German kids to shit their knickers for the past 150 years. And now you too, may shit your own."
So put on your best leiderhosen, kick back, and enjoy the first of several tales of violent childhood horror to come. (Translated from the original German thanks to Pags' and Pete's mom, Trudy! Bear in mind, this whole story rhymes in German.)" - Steven
Die Geschichte vom Daumenlutscher
"The Story of Little Suck-A-Thumb".
Konrad, speaks Mrs. Mamma,
"I go out and you stay here.
Be nice and well behaved.
Until I come back home again
And especially, Konrad, listen!
Don't suck on your thumb anymore;
Otherwise the tailor with his scissors
Comes very quickly along,
And cuts off your thumbs
Just as easily as paper."
Just as soon as mother left-
Wupp, the thumb is in the mouth.
Snap! The door opens,
And at lightning speed
Jumps the tailor into the room
to the thumb-sucking boy.
Wow, now it goes snip, snip
With the scissors the thumbs come off,
With the big sharp scissors!
"Oh boy" Konrad hollers loud.
Just as mother comes home,
Konrad looks very sad.
Without thumbs he is standing there,
Both of them are gone forever.
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5 Comments
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| Ideal Jobs (2 of 3) |
| 07.16.04 (7:18 am) [edit] |
Job Predictor
http://www.jobpredictor.com/index.asp" title="http://www.jobpredictor.com/index.asp" target="_blank"http://www.jobpredictor.com/i...
Michelle Gareau, Your ideal job is a Supermodel.
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3 Comments
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| B-B-Bunny?? (1 of 3) |
| 07.16.04 (6:15 am) [edit] |
I have a little rabbit
His fur is caked with grime
He doesn't move around too much
He hasn't for some time.
His little cape of softest silk
Flutters in the breeze
And on his legs, a leotard
Conceals his tiny knees.
His pupils are uneven
They're fixed upon the sky
And now I know without a doubt
That bunnies cannot fly.
But wait! I saw him move his ear
I see him lift his head
Such long sharp teeth within his mouth
I thought that he was dead.
I rush to him and pick him up
And then I feel the pain
I see it in his hungry eyes
He only wants my brain.
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3 Comments
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| GRRRRRR!!! |
| 07.14.04 (2:36 pm) [edit] |
People are getting really cranky about gaming, and frankly, it's pissing me off.
Now, if you were in my shoes, I have a funny feeling that you would be a little more understanding of people.
I SHOWED UP LATE AND I DIDN'T TELL ANYONE!! Yep...not one person. I know that it seems like I did it on purpose, doesn't it?
Now, I work until 6 every Saturday. I would think that people would have figured that out by now, after two years of gaming with me. Also, when STs change the gaming weekends, I then have a 4 year old to figure out what to do with. I would have also thought that the majority of people knew that as well. SO...basically, I didn't know I could show up at all, until 6pm, when I was fortunate enough to track down a babysitter (boss' daughter - how convenient). The last game cost me $20.00 to attend, and it's not good enough?
Well, I suppose it slipped my teeeeny weeeeny mind, 'cause I have a lot of things to cram in there all at once, you see. Unfortunately, gaming seems to come AFTER work and family. It's crazy, I know.
So, if I remember to do so, I'll let you know I'm not coming. As far as "Planning my life better", we'll keep dreaming about that. In the meantime, I'm getting tired of hearing people whine about it.
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2 Comments
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| Such a sucker |
| 07.14.04 (6:18 am) [edit] |
The phone rings and I pick it up to hear Kodi's voice on the other end. "Come outside." She tells me. So, I do. There is Kodi standing in my front yard with a little puppy. He needed a home.
I was very noncommital about this, so Kodi gave him to me to hold. Damn her!!! She knows that's what always gets me! I've gotten a few pets this way. So, I'm holding this sweet little puppy and he begins to gently nuzzle my neck and snuggle down into my arms. At this point, I probably still could have said no.
Then there's Leah, who was watching this whole thing with excitement. "Can we keep him, mommy? Can we pleeeeeeeese?"
I told Kodi that if the pup needed a home, we'd take him for now, but I can't commit to keeping him. (Yeah right). So we brought him in the house where we all cuddled and were warm and happy.
Within an hour, we had chewies, food, dishes, a nice leather collar, leash and a new tag sporting the name "Jake".
My reasoning? Well, I DID almost get broken into there. I figure it can't hurt having a dog, especialy in my neighbourhood.
I'm still a sucker for them puppy dog eyes though.
[LINE]
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7 Comments
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| The Beast |
| 07.13.04 (2:07 pm) [edit] |
So, we came back to the city. Upon reaching the city limits, we were swamped in a torrential downpoar that forced us to sit on the side of the road. A bad omen. As luck would have it, my defrost is not working on the car and all of our windows fogged up. Eventually, we arrived and after a short stop at the drug store, we picked up our friend, Schmeck.
Shortly after, we arrived at my place so that I could clean my wound properly and dress it. I walked in the house and everything was as it should be. Or so I thought. There was a knock at the door and I turned to see Kodi, the kid who was house sitting for me. Upon her instruction, I went down stairs to see that someone had smashed a basement window in an attempt to break into my place. He tried a number of different ways to get in, but failed.
So, we taped up the window and boobie trapped the house before leaving again. We walked out to the car and there I dislocated my knee, getting in. My mind flashed back to our encounter with Stumpy and what he had told us. Maybe I should have paid the man. All that aside, I managed to get back into the house and down a few Ibuprofin and wiggle into a knee brace.
Then we were off. Back to the lake to sit in the rain for another three days. I was not going to let anything stand in my way! I NEEDED THIS HOLIDAY!! I WOULD HAVE TO HAVE HOT POKERS IN MY EYES BEFORE I WOULD GIVE UP AND COME HOME!!!
Later, in the light of a full moon, we and another friend who had driven out to visit us, all shed our clothes on the beach and went for a midnight swim. It was teriffic! I heard a noise just off the shore, like somene walking in toward me. I could see nothing at all, but the sound was coming nearer. I did not move as my eyes strained against the blackness of the tree lined shore. Then they came. Little THINGS in the water!! They felt like really big bugs. They were biting me!! I screamed and began swimming wildly toward the beacon that we had left on shore by our clothes. I hastily wrapped myself up in a towel and headed for the showers, understandably shaken.
It seemed as though we were cursed. So on our way back to our campsite, I finally gave old Stumpy his money. He grinned knowingly and tapped the side of his nose with his fingerless hand. Then he reached toward the money that I was still holding. I was terrified that he was going to actually touch me with it, and we both jumped as some coins slipped through my fingers and clattered to the floor. I quickly put the money down and, with a nervous laugh, departed.
McStinky and I performed a ritual of sorts that night. I won't go into detail, save to say that it included a universal "No Minotaurs" sign and some feathers. That night, we all slept peacefully. There were no more monstrous moans in the night. Nothing else happened to frighten us or make the remainder of our trip unpleasant.
Finally, the rain stopped and the sun began to shine as we packed up our gear and headed home.
Bleh!
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| The Beast |
| 07.12.04 (6:51 am) [edit] |
We sat huddled together, as much for a feeling of protection as for warmth, listening to the sounds of the night. There were none, save for crackling flames, the patter of raindrops on our tents and the low, incessant moaning that occasionally picked up to a panicked shriek. Our fire was burning brightly, despite the constant drizzle of rain that had been falling from the dark sky since noon, and our stockpile of wood was rapidly dwindling.
As I threw our last log on the fire, I saw McStinky looking at me, a haunted expression of worry on her face. We both knew what would have to be done. Niether one of us much liked the idea of leaving that fire to venture into the darkness in search of more firewood, but we didn't have a choice.
With a heavy sigh, we started up the hill to the car, loathe to leave that comforting globe of warm light and enter into the blinding darkness beyond. We climbed the hill and were swept with relief as the doors closed, with a reassuring thud, as soon as we were tucked safely inside. The beams of the headlights sliced through the sodden darkness and shon eerily off the trees lining the deserted road leading down the hill to the wood pile.
As quickly as we could, we loaded the trunk with wood. I heard the slow scraping sound of footsteps somewhere in front of the car, and stopped to turn and investigate. A smallish figure was appraching, slowly. He appeared to be only a shadow and indeed, if I hadn't heard his lopsided gait as he shuffled through the gravel, I would not have noticed him at all. I grabbed McStinky's arm as she neared me, carrying an armful of wood. I could not speak. All she could see, by the vague light of our lantern, was my pointing finger. There was a clatter as the wood she was carrying fell to the ground, and as the figure came into view, we both gasped.
A small old man, of about 65 years, stood before us. His beady eyes sparkled from his scowling face, in the lamp light. The unidentified thing in the forest let out a horrible shriek that echoed through the entire valley. He grunted at us and looked up into the sky. In a cracking, sandpapery voice, he said, "Do you know what that is?" Droplets of rain water sprayed from our hooded heads as we shook them.
"That...Is the Minotaur of Redberry Lake. You want to watch out for that there. Yes...yes you do. Powerful creature, that. And fierce. I know. I haven't fed him for a while." He raised his hand in a strange parody of stroking his white-stubbled chin. The scars shon in the rain where his fingers and thumb used to be. We gasped in shock and he laughed at our surprise.
"Now, you owe us some money. You didn't pay your entry fees, and my wife is some bit of upset about that. You don't wanna upset my wife, no sir. She knows things. She can do things you just never knowed she could do."
"So, the sooner you come an pay up, the better for you. It'd be a shame for that beast there to getcha all. Yep. Surely would. I don't know if he'd stop at your fingers though."
Turning quickly on his heel, he receded into the darkness in the direction from which he came. McStinky and I had not uttered a single word during the entire encounter, and we could not bring ourselves to do so now. The look on McStinky's face was enough. We left the wood on the ground where she dropped it and got back into the safety of the car. We had enough to last until morning at least.
That was when the bad things started happening.
We arrived back at our site and unloaded the wood. Because it was wet, I had to chop it so that it would burn quickly and keep our fire going. I was setting up a new log on the block when, inexplicably, the blade of the axe came down on my hand. It sliced through the layers of flesh quickly and painlessly, leaving a gaping wound about an inch long and deep enough to almost touch the bone. A vision of the old man's fingerless hand swept through my mind. We quickly disinfected and bandaged the wound, resolving to return to the city the next day for more medical supplies.
Neither one of us slept that night.
We woke early the next morning to see that, though everything was drenched, the rain had stopped. So had the infernal bawling of the Minotaur. After a hearty breakfast, we packed our gear and set off on a treck to try to find the beast. We walked and walked with no luck at all. The sounds had been coming from all directions last night, so we did not even know which direction to look. Finally, we found some tracks in the soft, claylike mud near the water. We followed them around the waters edge to the other side of the lake, but we came to an impass and could go no farther. After being mercilessly attacked by hoardes of giant, man-eating mosquitoes, we abandoned our search and decided to call in reinforcements.
Continued later...
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| The Amazing Adventures of Barnacle Butt and McStinky (3) |
| 07.08.04 (12:15 pm) [edit] |
The day was warm but overcast. As we neared the waters edge, we noticed how mucky the beach was becoming. Finally, we were getting our feet wet. The horrible mud was squishing disgustingly between our toes and I couldn't stop myself from sinking in it. Seemingly innocent rocks, quietly sitting on the surface of this deceptive goop, cut and scratched our legs as we became mired in it.
When the water was deep enough to dive in, we did just that. It was cold at first, of course, but we quickly adjusted to it.
Being the thrill seeker that I am, I offhandedly suggested swimming across the lake to the light house on the other side. Mcstinky laughed, evidently thinking that it was a joke. So I began to swim away toward it. McStinky was in close persuit. We swam for well over an hour. McStinky, dear as she is to me, has a horrible sense of direction. (Chuckle) She was following the clouds, as she swam on her back, instead of landmarks. She drifted far off course, and although I AM a single mom, I couldn't keep my eyes on her all the time. Periodically, I would stop to make sure she hadn't drowned. I heard nothing. I saw no McStinky floating on the water. And then...Splash! All was well.
I reached the light house and waited there until McStinky was able to join me. I lay on the deck resting, listening to the multitude of different bird calls and reveling in the peacefulness. And then....
The most horrible sound! I knew it wasn't McStinky this time because she was still spashing around in the water. It was almost indescribeable. Like a cow in pain maybe. It drifted to me from somewhere across the lake. I sat up quickly, goosebumps prickling my arms. I didn't know where it was coming from. I couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. But the sound...Almost a moan, wouldn't stop!
McStinky finally reached me and plopped down on the deck beside me. From the haunted look in her eyes, I knew that she had heard it too. We sat there together for a while. Resting our weary limbs and speculating as to the source of the sound. Oh, we had ideas about what it was. But we were wrong. We were so wrong.
Continued later.....
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| The Amazing Adventures of Barnacle Butt and McStinky (2) |
| 07.07.04 (10:08 am) [edit] |
When we pulled up to our campsite, we were still a little wierded out by our encounter with Stumpy's daughter, but all negative feelings quickly disappeared when we took in the site before us. Nestled in an isolated spot in the trees, was a large clearing. A picknic table and barbeque were there and the entire site was dotted with blooming wild roses. It was perfect!
We easily set up both of our tents (Hobbit holes) with plenty of room to spare. I had brought along an old washing machine drum that I had stolen from the campground on my last excursion into the woods. [What? If they didnt' want me to take it, they would have chained it to something.] Quickly, I dug a hole for it and half buried it so that we could have a bonfire that night. Before long, we had the perfect hide away home away from home. After an excellent meal and an evening playing our guitars by the fire, we turned in for a restful nights sleep.
We awoke the next day fresh and jubulant. We quickly gathered our gear for our morning swim, which we vowed to partake of every day before breakfast. I was just packing my bag when....That was when I first heard it. A low rumbling sound that I could not identify. I looked at Esmirelda and thought that she was also trying to discern the source of the growling sound since she had an intensely thoughtful look on her face.
"Do they have bears in these woods?", she asked me. I didn't know. It wasn't until a few minutes later when the force of the odour cloud nearly knocked me unconscious. I scrambled for the tent flap, my fingers fumbling frantically with the zipper. As I clumbsily emerged into the open air that I realized that the look on Esmirelda's face wasn't one of thoughtfulness at all. It was GUILT. She sat in the tent giggling at me, looking something like this:
Now, forever, my friend...McStinky.
Continued later.....
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| The Amazing Adventures of Barnacle Butt and McStinky |
| 07.06.04 (9:53 am) [edit] |
Sit down close, wee ones, and huddle together. For the tale that I am about to tell to you here and now will surely raise the hair on the backs of your necks and send shivers through your spines. I warn you now, that if you are easily frightened, if you are not willing to be plagued by many sleepless nights, look away!!!
Now, we begin......
The sun was shining beautifully, the day we left the city. Having been let off work early, I had the opportunity to pack much of the necessary gear for the trip before my friend, Esmirelda, was able to shrug off the shackles of employment. Then we headed to her place to aquire the rest of our stuff, which included a freshly sharpened axe.
We strategically planned our stops on our way out of town to minimize the time it would take to get all affairs in order. After a much longer time than we had planned, we hit the highway. Our voices rang with anticipation and excitement as we sang to the mixed tape that Esmirelda had made especially for the occasion. Shortly after, we were turning off in Raddison and heading toward Hafford.
After a rather bumpy drive down a windey, ill kept highway, we entered the sleepy town of Hafford. A strange feeling of isolation came over me as we crossed into the 40 km/h speed zone. My eyes searched in vain for some sign of life. But there was none. Not a dog, or cat or squirrel. The cute, well kept houses stared back at us blankly with their expressionless windows. If one were to stop and listen, you could hear the eerie creak of the chains on the empty swings in the school yard, as they swayed back and forth in the gusty breeze.
We drove up the street, our searching eyes trying to make out the names on the street signs. They appeared to be written in some alien language, unlike anything I've seen before, like Turkish....or something. Goosebumps rose on my arms as it occured to me that maybe the elusive residents of Hafford do not like visitors. Perhaps this is a tactic designed to make people feel unwelcome and out of place. I surely did not feel like we belonged here, so it was with relief that I turned down the highway that would take us swiftly from that bizarre little town and closer to our destination.
Finally we turned down the grid road that would bring us to the Redberry Lake Biosphere reserve, and the campground. We drove down a steep hill, breathing in the fresh air, our eyes drinking in the picturesque view laid out before us. The lake was perfect, with a small, white light house on the far side of the shore, and a large island peacefully resting in the middle of the water. We approached the check in stand, giddy with excitement.
It was there that we had our first run-in with Stumpy's family. I assume it was Stumpy's daughter, who manned the booth. As I pulled up and stopped the car, she emerged with her clip board and a multitude of various loose papers and pamphlets. She clumsily approached us and when she finally appeared to have everhthing securely in hand, she looked up and gave me a friendly down-home smile.
It was a very confusing interlude, with many questions, confusion and shuffling papers everywhere. The entire time, my foot was tapping to the tune of the dueling banjo song that was accompanying this rather comical performance, somewhere deep within my brain. Finally, she took our money and pointed in the general direction toward our campsite.
Continued later.....
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