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This is my adopted goth fetus named "Cringe". Hooray fetus!
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| Joy of Joys |
| 06.30.04 (6:10 am) [edit] |
YAY!! Today is camping day!!
I actually arranged to get off early today WITHOUT selling my soul. How's that for resourcefulness?
Last night we went grocery shopping. Cripes, we have a lot of food. It's aaaall good though. We also bought all kinds of other stuff too, like cards, some games, Tiki torches, you know...the essentials.
I really need this break. It's gonna be so good to get away from the constant sirens wailing through the ghetto. The neighbours who are always standing out on their front lawn fighting at 4 am. The crap I have to deal with at work. I can't wait to leave the stink of the city behind for a few days.
[b]Cookie Godess Update[/b]
Remember Spud? He's got a new job and will be giving his notice today. I'm gonna be sad to see him go, but everyone here is quitting. I'll be gone in the fall too, so that effectively wipes out the entire service department in the space of about 6 months. I wonder what that says about management...heh.
Well, that's it for today. We'll be out at Redberry if anyone wants to come out for the day or a night. Just bring your own stuff.
I'll be back to tell you all about our adventures on Monday.
Have a great weekend everyone!!!
[LINE]
[i]- May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.[/i]
[LINE]
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| Absent minded? Me? |
| 06.29.04 (9:49 am) [edit] |
You know, I should really think about signing up for CAA or something.
Yesterday after work, I locked my keys in my trunk. My mind was firmly fixed on other things when I closed the trunk lid. Imagine the look on my face when I realized that I no longer had my keys in my hand. :shock: Thinking that I had had the presence of mind to lock all my doors when I got to work, I immediately felt panic begin to bloom in my stomach.
I would have just opened the doors with a coat hanger if I thought it would have done any good. Unfortunately, an interior trunk release is an OPTION!!! It's a luxury that I don't have.
Locksmiths are the Devil. :twisted:
After speaking with the Devil, I almost lost it. He told me that on a Chev, they can't just pick the lock. They have to remove one of my door locks and take it in to get a new key made. "Yep, lady, we can do it tonight. That'll cost ya about $100.00."
In hindsight, now that I have had time to think about it, I wonder how they were going to get the door locks off the car if it was all locked up. I imagine that breaking into the car would have been an extra cost, even though he could easily use his Devil powers to get in. Nicely done, Mr. Devil. Nicely done. :?
So, I called Leah's Dad. I thought maybe he might have an extra key, but I was out of luck. He suggested removing the back seat and getting into the trunk that way. So, out to the car I went, armed with my coat hanger. I remembered leaving the windows open a crack. As soon as I arrived beside the car, a hysterical laugh escaped my lips as I saw that I had left the doors unlocked!! Oh, the humor. Still now, I giggle at my wierd luck.
It was a good thing that I had a friend with me who happened to have some tools. We expertly removed the bottom seat without any trouble, but my heart sank as I saw that the back was bolted on with some super-huge torques.
We rushed to the hardware store to purchase the necessary equipment. But when we arrived back at the car, we were disappointed to see that we still didn't have what we needed. It was looking pretty hopeless.
I quickly walked away, toward the nearest gas station, in search of tools. The attendant stared at me blankly as I explained my situation to him. After taking a moment to process this information, he told me that the station had no tools. I turned to leave and caught the eye of, what can only be described as, a cute little man standing behind me. With a smile, I quickly left and returned to the car. Where we stood....and tried to come up with an idea. We puzzled and puzzled and puzzled some more. We puzzled until our puzzlers were sore.
All of a sudden, a truck pulled up beside us, and the man from the gas station got out. I have affectionately dubbed him "Captain Zippy". He said almost nothing as he nimbly hopped in the back of the car, quick as you please, and loosened the stubborn bolts for us. He was kinda like the leprachan from the Lucky Charms commercial. And then he was gone, as quickly as he came.
My friend looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I just shrugged and pointed to my bare legs beneath my skirt. I could see his eyes flood with jealousy because I have much nicer legs than him. Yes, I had unwittingly resorted to using my womany wiles on strangers to get what I need. I'm feeling sort of dirty about that, but hey...I have my keys, don't I? :wink:
We put the car back together and I was happily on my way. :D
[LINE]
Stay tuned, kiddies. For the next exciting installment of... [b]MY BIZARRE LIFE[/b]. Coming soon to a blog near you.
[LINE]
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4 Comments
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| And time passes |
| 06.28.04 (1:50 pm) [edit] |
The weeks went by uneventfully. I planned and carried out the staff Christmas party with happy enthusiasm. It was there that I had my next encounter with Spud. The people from Regina came up to have a joint party with us.
It wasn't until after many drinks and an evening of gambling, when Spud approached me with another demand. Grossberger was sitting at the table with us, watching the exchange of coded banter with great interest. The threat of exposure was so near that I immediately agreed to Spud's request.
By the next morning, my brain was much too swollen to remember exactly what had transpired the night before. I thought that I had given Spud the slip, since he was returning home that day, until...I found a 5 lb bag of chippits in my mailbox. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT! Even across the miles, he refused to release his grip on me.
So I baked his damned cookies. I baked and baked and baked. But you see, Spud didn't come to town very often. As the days wore on, his pile of cookies slowly diminished until I had no choice but to buy more chippits and bake cookies again to replenish his stock. By this time, baking cookies had become less of a chore and more of a pleasure. I became quite good at it and indeed, the cookies were flawless.
Then....it happened. Grossberger got the axe at work. It was a sad thing to see him go. But, with him, left my reason for baking. Spud ended up moving back to Saskatoon in Grossberger's wake. I thought that life had finally gotten back to normal since Spud no longer had me in shackles, so to speak.
As the weeks wore on, I discovered myself itching to bake cookies. It was funny, like being addicted to crack. I'm not sure if it was the baking of the cookies or the eating that had me entangled in its wicked snare, but I had to do it!!!
I was in the middle of mixing up a batch so that I could get my fix when my electric mixer died a most horrible and painful death. A small plastic piece had broken and the beaters somehow got locked together, blowing the motor. Tears of frustration rolled down my face as I pried and pulled to get them apart. Acrid tendrils of smoke drifted up from the poor, mangled little machine while I licked the half mixed cookie dough from the sad little beaters. I hoped that Spud would not take it too hard.
And so I was forced to quit cold turkey. Days turned into weeks. Weeks into months until one day....
Friday, to be exact, there was a mysterious box on my desk.
I opened it up, tearing the box like a little kid on Christmas Day. Inside was....
A NEW ELECTRIC MIXER!!!
Oh Spud! You've made me the happiest woman in the world!!
Now I will spread my cookie taint unto the world and no one will stop me! For I am....THE NERD! I shall smite those who oppose me with my mighty ghetto booty, and chase down all manner of cookie ingredients with my swift, super hopped up shopping cart. Beware the wrath of my swinging beer bottle lest ye be pummeled into mealy-mouthed submission.
MUHAHAHA!! I....AM A COOKIE GOD!!!
[LINE]
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5 Comments
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| Intermission |
| 06.27.04 (6:21 pm) [edit] |
Okay now....
I've got a problem.
Until I get this problem off my chest, you can all wait for the end of the story, where you'll find out what my present was that I received on Friday.
My problem has to do with the fact that there are many people in our group who are of the oppinion that they should investigate and probe and dig until they get to the bottom of my business. Yep...gossip. Gossip sucks.
Please leave my private life out of your conversations. My business is mine unless I choose to share it with you.
If your curiosity is that consuming, all you have to do is ask me face to face, if you think it's your place to do so. And if you don't, then maybe it's something you don't need to know.
[LINE]
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| A year of slavery |
| 06.26.04 (9:23 am) [edit] |
(continued)
And so begins my year of toil and oppression.
Spud demanded cookies immediately. I tried to hold off his demands, pleading that it was thirty degrees above outside and I don't have air conditioning in the house. It's way to hot to start the oven.
Upon hearing this lame excuse, he actually called Grossberger over to us and told him that I had something I wanted him to know. I made up some bogus compliment about how I thought he was a good dancer or something. Relief washed through me as I saw that my statement had pleased him and he walked away.
Wiping the nervous sweat from my brow, my heart sank and I knew that Spud meant business. I had no choice but to comply since I obviously couldn't alert the authorities.
I told a select few people, who I could count on to keep my dirty little secret, but that was more because I wanted to be sure that if anything ever happened to me...If I "disappeared", someone would know of my situation and have a clue as to what happened to me.
So, with a shred of hope lingering in the back of my mind, I fired up the oven when I got home. And oh, what wonders I did bake. Cookies, perfect and warm. Little did I know that these cookies apparanty held some sort of magical, addictive quality. I tasted one...then two...then five...They were so good that I took a dozen cookies from the batch and kept them for myself.
The next day I presented the pay off to Spud. He must have sensed my guilt since I could not look him in the eye, knowing what I had done. "Is this all?" He asked me. I made up some feeble excuse about burning a batch and having to throw them out. He seemed disappointed but, thankfully, my answer satisfied his curiosity and he went away.
I went back to my life happy and optimistic. Little did I know that this was only the beginning. It wasn't long before Spud was at my desk informing me that the cookies didn't have enough chocolate chips in them. He told me that I was to try again. My eyes welled with tears as I offered the fact that chocolate chips were expensive and I wanted to give him a big batch, but I didn't have enough chippits, so I had to skimp. He smiled craftily at me and said, "Okay fine. We'll take care of that."
The next day when I arrived at work, there were two bags of chippits on my desk.
Once again, I was forced to bake him cookies. I made a huge batch and used up all of the chocolate chips. I baked for hours. But as I worked, I couldn't stop eating those warm, moist, chocolatey cookies as they came out of the oven. I have no idea how many I ate, but I do know that I was not feeling very well by the time I was done. I filled two bread bags and a ziplock bag with cookies. I thought that would satisfy him at last.
Spud liked the cookies. No, he loved them. They were done the way he wanted them this time. The huge amount of cookies that I had baked him lasted a couple of weeks...but then I would find more chocolate chips. This continued for months, until....
Spud got transfered to the shop in Regina. I thought finally the tyrany was over. Finally I would be free!!! His parting was bitter sweet since he is my friend and we work good together. At the same time, I was looking forward to not being required to produce baking in order to keep the peace. I would finally be able to relax and quit worrying.
I was never more wrong.
Continued later.....
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| Ongoing saga |
| 06.25.04 (6:51 am) [edit] |
Most of you may not know about my horrible, terrible double life. I could spin you a tale of corporate espionage, blackmail and pay offs that would make your hair stand on end. People whispering behind closed doors, planning, conniving and executing brilliantly meticulous counter actions. Some people got rich...some people got taken. And some people just went down in flames, never again to be seen.
The names have been changed in order to protect the innocent and the not so innocent alike.
It all started, innocently enough, with a metal concert.
It was an outdoor concert, away from the beer gardens, so my friend and I brought my daughter (then 3 years old) with me. She slept peacefully in her wagon through the whole thing. Before the concert started, we were happily strolling through the throngs of people when we met up with my co-worker, Spud and his friend Shae. So, we decided to pick a spot in the grass and sit together to watch the show.
After much friendly banter and antics, we looked up to see that the band members had taken their positions. Our nattering voices fell silent, defeated by the deafening tones of a crying guitar and the heavy beats of an expertly played set of drums.
We rocked. Oh how we rocked. My friend Esmirelda rushed the stage and started a mosh pit and we found ourselves surrounded on all sides by head-banging angst!
A tap on my shoulder brought me back to reality and I looked up to see Spud's face looming over mine. "Hey!" he shouted and gestured behind me. "There's Grossberger!", indicating our Service Manager.
I looked over my shoulder to see a rather portly man in a brilliantly white tee shirt. He was wearing an equally blinding white ball cap, backwards on his head. He was doing something very peculiar, that I can only describe as a sway-bounce head bob. He was near enough to see him and what he was doing, but too far from me to be able to make out his face.
I laughed at Spud. "That's not Grossberger. That's just some retarded kid rockin' out." Spud protested with such vigor that I decided to walk nonchalantly toward the glowing white figure and see, once and for all, who was right. Every step I took brought his face more and more into focus until...I was eye to eye with Grossberger. GAH!!
He was looking right at me so there was no chance of ducking quickly out of sight unnoticed. I put on my best smile and had a quick chat with him, making sure that I let him know how cool I thought it was that he liked this kind of music. I really wasn't that impressed, but I felt I owed him some kind of complement after the mistake I had just made, even if he had no clue that I had made it.
So, you can imagine the "I told you so" look that was plastered all over Spud's smug little face when I returned. This is when things start to get really ugly.
"Wait until Grossberger finds out about this." He yells at me over the mind searing metal. "Unless...."
"Okay, what will it take to keep your mouth shut?" I asked. Suddenly terrified that Grossberger would find out that I thought he was "special".
"Cookies. Lots and lots of homemade cookies. Chocolate chip ones. As long as my mouth is stuffed with cookies, I can't talk." Spud winked his horrible, blackmailing eye at me. What could I do? I agreed to the terms.
Continued later....
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| Birthday Boyz |
| 06.23.04 (10:34 pm) [edit] |
James and Cory
![]() =http://img57.photobucket.com/...
James and Cory
Happy Birthday James!!!
Happy Birthday Cory!!!
8)
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2 Comments
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| Something fun |
| 06.23.04 (9:03 pm) [edit] |
Okay, forgiveness is required before you open this link.
It's cool?
Okay then....
[u]Maaaah!![/u]
http://www.topeuro.co.uk/blagger/the_duel.html" title="http://www.topeuro.co.uk/blagger/the_duel.html" target="_blank"http://www.topeuro.co.uk/blag...
[u]I've seen this somewhere before[/u]
http://kill-bill.cz/game/index.php" title="http://kill-bill.cz/game/index.php" target="_blank"http://kill-bill.cz/game/inde...
[u]Guess who's birthday is coming up soon...[/u] :wink:
http://www.bigteazetoys.com/fishie.html" title="http://www.bigteazetoys.com/fishie.html" target="_blank"http://www.bigteazetoys.com/f...
[u]Brittney...I knew it.[/u]
http://anothersite.co.uk/news.php?artc=65" title="http://anothersite.co.uk/news.php?artc=65" target="_blank"http://anothersite.co.uk/news...
[u]Aaaah, Chicken[/u]
http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/" title="http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/" target="_blank"http://www.miketheheadlesschi...
[u]I bet you can't guess what word I'm thinking of. And it's definately not Kitty.[/u]
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ilblissli/20266 .html" title="http://www.livejournal.com/users/ilblissli/20266 .html" target="_blank"http://www.livejournal.com/us...
[u]This is super cool[/u]
http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/primer/java/scienceop ticsu/powersof10/index.html" title="http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/primer/java/scienceop ticsu/powersof10/index.html" target="_blank"http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/p...
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3 Comments
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| (A+B) = More Chickens |
| 06.23.04 (7:30 am) [edit] |
Remember when gas was only 55 cents a litre? You could buy penny candy for a penny. It really wasn't that long ago. Seriously...I'm not that old.
I remember watching "Running Man". The scene where the two women are in the hallway buying a coke from the vending machine, and the price was $12.00. I thought "WOW! That'll never happen". But now that I really think about it, maybe it will.
Prices of everything keep going up and up and up. Minimum wage goes up, salaries increase to stay on the level with the rising cost of living. And for what?
I'm not going to pretend to understand all the intricacies of the global economy, but from a birds eye view...it all seems like a huge game that the world is trapped into playing. It kinda seems pointless. The more you make, the more they take.
I think we should just go back to the barter system. Raise chickens and trade them for dental services and toilet paper. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
I suppose the only problem with that would be the horribly greedy, conniving, lying, murderous species that we are. I guess without government regulations controlling our economic ways, we'd all just go crazy and kill each other. It would spin out of control and all hell would break loose as wars begin and people become victimized by thieves and thugs.
....Wait.
Maybe it wouldn't be so different after all. The end result would be the same. The way we do it now is just slower.
I can't help but sit in moments of quiet reflection and think about Leah and what her world is going to be like. I feel for her. I'm not optimistic about the capabilities of humankind. We are physically capable, and there are some who are mentally capable as well, to change the destructive direction in which we are hurling ourselves. But individually, we are too weak to change anything. We are, collectively, not smart enough and not disciplined enough to stop this tidal wave upon which we are helplessly being swept. We are creatures of habit and those habits are not easily broken. Most would rather delude themselves right into the grave than face the possibility of having to park their car and use public transit to save the environment.
Well, it's obvious that I believe that there's a problem now, but the world is just too set in their ways to change it. At least my way, there would be more chickens. And in a world like ours, you can never have too many of those. :)
[LINE]
Oh feed my ego. FEED IT!!!
Leo
You're in fine form these days. The stars feed your fire with efficient fuels. You can't stop smiling. The people who are generally on the same page with you can't even keep up, try as they might. But you don't get any resentment around this, only best wishes. They love you no matter what you do. This is a lot like fame, but without the ever-present paparazzi and the gossip.
[LINE]
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| Soul sucking Sunday |
| 06.21.04 (6:31 am) [edit] |
Well, I can't say that Sunday went badly. It did, however, go oddly. JK came and picked me up and drove me out to the repair shop. A&D Automotive, for anyone who thinks that someday they should bring their vehicles there....don't.
We pulled into the lot and were greeted by a questionable looking Middle Eastern man. He gave us a big smile and proceeded to show of his "dental bling bling" as JK so eloquently put it. Thaaaat's right. He had a gold set of front teeth.
He asked me what I wanted to do, so I told him that I was going to trade it for a '92 Corsica. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Okay, you drive the Corsica for a while. You see if you like it. If no...then I give you this '88 Tempo. $800.00 difference. I realize that you don't have money now, but I finance you and you pay when you do have money. It is a good car now, I worked on it a lot."
So, if I understand this correctly...He wants me to pass up a '92 Corsica so that he can give me a crappier car and charge me $800.00 on top of it? I told him thank you for the offer, but I'll pick up the truck on Monday. Meanwhile, JK had expertly removed my plates and we were on our way as quickly as we could be.
From there, it was straight to the Insurance office where I transfered the plates. I was on my way out to the bus stop when JK began laughing heartily, clapped me on the back and steered me back to the car. Even though his D&D game was up in Lawson, he drove me all the way back downtown to the mall so that I could grab a card for Leah's Dad, then catch the bus to Christopher Lake.
The bus ride was uneventful. We got to P.A. and there was a 1 hr wait until we left for the lake. So I called my stepmom who came and picked me up. I had a quick coffee with her and grandma, and then they drove me out to Christopher. That was pretty nice of them. We had a nice visit during the drive.
It was there that I came face to face with the past memories of two of the worst car wrecks I had ever had.
The Corsica is EXACTLY like my old Tempest, only blue. I could feel the hair raise on my arms and the chill sweep through me as I sat in the drivers seat reliving the dreaded moments before I rolled the Tempest.
Then I got over it and put it in drive. This little car has some snot! Wheeeee!! Four doors and power steering, people!!! So, Leah and I drove home with no problem at all, and I'm sooo happy to have a vehicle.
After that, I nestled down in the living room and watched movies. :wink:
[LINE]
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| I wait |
| 06.19.04 (2:25 pm) [edit] |
Once there was a computer.
It was a bastard computer compiled of the hardware of many different manufacturers. Far from pure if you ask me. I decided that because this computer was such a mix of barely compatible parts, I would not like it.
"I don't like you." I said to it. It sat there looking at me quietly. I know it saw me. It's little eye was blinking at me. So, I thought to show my utter dislike by poking it's eye with my chicken grease-covered finger. "That'll do it", I thought. But the dastardly computer did nothing.
Becoming frustrated, I thought I'd get it's attention by breaking some windows. This was far from hard to do. I fiddled and tinkered until it's windows were completely broken. I took my stance, waiting for the fight. But it never came.
That machine just sat there looking at me dumbly. I taunted and jeered and catcalled, but there was no response. "You're stupid!" I screamed at it. But in the back of my mind, I doubted that statement. Perhaps it was smarter than it let on. Perhaps it is only laying in wait...Waiting for the perfect time to launch it's diabolical scheme. Waiting until I was not looking! I thought that I actually hated this computer for almost having outsmarted me, but I caught on....oh yes. If it can lay in wait, so can I.
Now here we sit. Staring at one another. Patiently waiting for the other to make a move. I'm glad I got the extra large jumbo family chicken bucket. This might take a while. I wish I had a coke.
BE AFRAID!!!! MUHAHAHAHA!!
[LINE]
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1 Comments
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| Brandi Moreno |
| 06.19.04 (11:32 am) [edit] |
I think that Brandi's introduction to the game was a smashing success. This is a pretty comfortable character role for me. Leather and lace, babies....Leather and lace. 8)
Should be much fun.
Thank God for Leah's Dad...
He was fixing up a car for me and we were going to trade vehicles. Now that the truck died, it kinda threw a wrench into the plans. But, we worked out a deal and tomorrow I'm taking the bus to P.A. to pick up my Corsica. He's still taking the truck, but he's going to fix it up.
Also, JK has been gracious enough to give me a lift to work and to the mall tomorrow so that I can transfer my plates. Kindness for which I'm expecting to be called upon to repay in one tawdry, scandalous fashion or other....hehehe.
Its aaaall good.
All I have to say is...WHEW!!!
[LINE]
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| No Wheels |
| 06.18.04 (8:35 am) [edit] |
My truck! My poor truck is dead. It breathed its last while it was valiantly fighting to gain the crest of a hill, carrying me to work this morning.
I'm sure it can be fixed, but I don't think I can make it to the scene tonight.
:(
[LINE]
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11 Comments
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| The Keep |
| 06.17.04 (10:36 pm) [edit] |
![]() =http://img57.photobucket.com/...
Slow upon the lazy waves
Within the currents wake
Until against the sharpened rocks
A hardened will shall break
Into the fleshy hands of fate
Delivered safe and warm
Trusting gesture's folly seen
Only with the storm
Isolated echos cry
Within the caverns deep
Imprisoned by the loneliness
The quiet of the keep
Walls of morter deep and wide
Forever built to last
Locked within the lessons learned
The secrets of the past
To never see again the sun
Eternal darkness falls
Upon a lonely little girl
Protected by those walls
[LINE]
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3 Comments
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| Super Hero |
| 06.16.04 (10:18 am) [edit] |
That's right. Incredible Stamina.
Cheese cutter.
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8 Comments
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| Takin' out the trash |
| 06.16.04 (7:24 am) [edit] |
As I was busily making supper last night, I happened to glance over to the corner where I had accumulated a weeks worth of pizza boxes, papers, bottles and other assorted junk along side the garbage can. Impressive, though this display was, it was also beginning to interfere with my daily activities. So, it was quickly decided, after I had accidentally kicked a bottle across the room and put my foot through a pizza box, just before being buried by a mass of falling papers, that this mess could not be allowed to remain.
I dutifully packaged everything within a black plastic garbage bag. Dilligently emptying every garbage in the house and finally tying up my package and setting it by the door.
I grabbed my bug spray, machetti, elephant gun and grappling hook. Lets not forget the amazing swiss army knife and a two-day supply of rations. I had fashioned a comfortable loop in the handle of the garbage bag so that I could fit my hand in and drag it behind me. In short order, I was ready to go.
I opened the back door and stepped outside. The urban air was cool, and the tropical scents of the rainforest in front of me was both sweet and unsettling. I had not laid eyes on this phenomenon in quite some time. It had grown significantly in the last three days. I was glad that I had my machette with me.
With a deep sigh, I drew near to the dense wall of growth. Raising my arm high in the air, I took my first swipe. The blade bit into the foliage with a satisfying crunching sound. Perhaps this wouldn't be that tough. After all, it was only 100 feet or so to my destination. Piece of cake. Or so I thought.
I was off to a very fast start. My awesome strength was parting the gigantic growth like a hot knife through butter. Soon I heard voices. I stopped cold and listened. I heard people shouting. Activating Quietus, I stealthily sneaked up on them.
My eyes widened in surprise to see a family there. They were living in the rusted out shell of a wood paneled station wagon! Out in the small clearing in front, they had made a great fire and had a small child turning a spit upon which a pig was skewered. His small, dirty face locked in a mask of effort as he turned the handle over and over.
Feeling sorry for the tyke, I whispered to him from my concealment. "Psst. Psst, hey kid...come here." The child looked in my direction and slowly drew nearer. I knew that the growth was so dense that he could not see me, so I simply shoved my hand through the curtian of foliage in an attemt to offer a chocolate bar that I had taken from my rations.
The little boy reached out his hand slowly, his eyes searching for my face and, unable to find it, locked upon the chocolatey treasure that was being thrust out to him. I felt his little hands close about my wrist and then he....BIT ME! I yelped in pain and surprise and tried to yank my hand back, but he would not let go and I was caught off balance. I helplessly tumbled into the clearing and came to a stop with my face firmly planted into the soft, damp earth.
Suddenly, a sharp pain in my calf caused me to shriek and jerk my head up. I saw that the parents of this little demon were rushing to see what the commotion was...and they were armed!! To my left, I saw three more grubby little hellions sprinting toward me. Their eyes mad with a hungry frenzy, drool dripping from their jowels. I jumped up and kicked out to dislodge this little canibal from my leg. He fell back onto his rump and was already starting to get to his feet by the time I took aim with my elephant gun.
I fired. The warning shot echoed through the air and I was helpless against the satisfied grin that overtook my face as I saw that kid jump two feet into the air, a look of utter shock on his face, and high-tail it through the grass. I watched the parents hastily follow the others and I listened quietly as I heard the click of the back gate as it shut behind them.
After dressing my wounds and gorging myself on roasted pig, I continued on my journey. It was not long before I reached the boundaries. I opened the back gate and was ejected into the alley. My bag, which I still had in tow, was ripped in places, but still largely intact. With a mighty heave, I tossed into the refuse bin. Satisfied with a job well done, I returned to my yard.
The treck home should have been smooth sailing, as the trail had already been blazed. Half way back, I stopped cold as I heard a deep, gutteral growl. I could not move. I heard a low rustling of something moving just out of sight. Hidden within the huge stalks. The hair rose on the back of my neck and my breath caught in my throat.
Slowly, I unslung my grappling hook and began to swing it in huge arcs. Faster and faster until finally, I loosed it into the air where it fastened itself around a jutting limb. I used it to climb my way to a nice, high, comfortable position and there I waited.
It was dawn when I awoke. There was a low drone in the distance. Looking down, my eyes bulged to see the biggest feline ever! It was sitting at the base of the plant that I was in, looking hungrily at me. Its eyes never moving from mine. I shuddered and caused the dew to drip from the leaves of my "tree?" and rain down upon that kitty. But it never moved in inch.
So, locked in this precarious stalemate, I waited. Every so often I would gaze off to the right, where my gun had been carelessly dropped in my haste to evade this predator, and wish that I had had more presence of mind. What a prize this would have been! Who would believe this without proof?
The droning sound became louder and more insistant. Hope began to bloom in my heart as I saw the distant foliage move and quake. Something was approaching. I could see the cat's nervousness grow as the noise got louder. There was a loud crack and the cat jumped up suddenly, forgetting about its prey. It darted off toward the gate and disappeared from view.
As the noise grew louder still, I remained hidden from this new, potential danger. I watched intently as the wall of foliage parted and the nose of a lawn mower poked through. It was followed by a man who stopped in the small path that I had made with my machetti. I made a noise to attract his attention so that I might see his face, and there, smiling up at me was...
PAPI!!! Papi had saved me!
After having been returned safely to the house and being fed warm apple pie, we both agreed that perhaps the lawn shoud be mown every week.
:P
[LINE]
| How to make a SNEEVIL |
Ingredients:
5 parts intelligence
3 parts self-sufficiency
3 parts instinct |
Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Serve with a slice of wisdom and a pinch of salt. Yum! |
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2 Comments
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| Sooooo............Relaxed |
| 06.15.04 (10:38 am) [edit] |
I had SUCH a nice evening last night.
Leah didn't have a nap yesterday, so she fell asleep in the truck. I just took her down to my room and layed her there. I thought she'd wake up when she got hungry, so I went upstairs and made a simple supper of fried fish and winter greens. Mmmm...yummy.
It was so quiet, I put some music on and lit a bunch of candles. Then a good friend called, so we talked for at least an hour.
Then I opened up a bottle of wine and sat by myself and did some writing. Lit some insense, played a little guitar...It was soooo nice. I don't get to do that very often.
I even went to bed before midnight, so I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning. I feel great!
:)
[LINE]
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1 Comments
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| Sask....TELL?? |
| 06.14.04 (9:28 am) [edit] |
What is really going on?
NO EMAIL!!!
I sent myself an email on Friday afternoon, and when I got home, it wasn't there. In fact, my inbox was completely devoid of the usual friendly literature that I customarily receive from various personalities throughout the day. So empty. So cold.
At first I thought that I was being shunned by my peers for some obscure, unexplained reason. But I know that I am not shunning myself, so that could not be the reason for my sudden unpopularity.
Naturally, when a person is left hanging like that, all kinds of things go flitting through your mind. First is denial. This can't be happening. I'm sure that everyone is just really super busy. Maybe the email I sent to myself didn't get here because I made a mistake or something. Perhaps I didn't hit the send button. Who knows? (chuckle)
Then, as time wears on and still nothing, comes anger. Negative feelings overwhelm me. Well, if no one wants to talk to me, then I don't want to talk to anyone either. Dammit. Fine. I'm going to Dairy Queen to have the super size blizzardaganza.
The third stage in this process is contemplation. Was it something I said? Something I did? Did I have a conversation with someone with a brilliant piece of greenery stuck between my teeth? WHAT IS GOING ON???
The next thing to occupy your mind is paranoia. Perhaps it is all just an elaborate joke. Yeah, that must be it. But....what if....it's not? Maybe this is really serious. Maybe I have been judged and categorized as someone who should not be spoken to. Oh my God!! That's horrible!
Finally, the paranoia has transformed itself into a conspiracy theory.
By 4pm on Saturday, I finally received my email. The one that I had sent to myself. Tears of joy flood my eyes as I realise that perhaps my fears were only the work of an over-active imagination. I still have friends...YAY!.
Now, I wonder why such a huge delay. My emails were being delivered 12-24 hours after being sent. I scanned for viruses and spyware. I tossed, I turned and slept like crap as I tried to reason this out. Finally, I could take no more and phoned Sasktel tech support. I was given some drivel that there was a huge surge in email activity due to virus infections and that their servers were backed up. Virus, indeed.
Oh, it sounds plausable, doesn't it? I know what's going on. (twitch) I heard what they said...and I heard what they didn't say. What they WANT you to think. (twitch) I can see what they're doing, but do they know that I know? Looking for something, aren't they? Searching for it, but they are only guessing. No, they won't find what we have safely hidden. (twitch) Me and my new friend, Spunt. You remember Spunt, don't you? We've known each other for about 10 months now. Only he wasn't Spunt when I told you about him. He's Spunt NOW THOUGH!!! He has it and he won't give it up.
Turn the light on, SPUNT! AAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!
I HAVE ....................BEANS!!!
Big ones.
[LINE]
Angelique...
Alas, Angelique is no more.
It was a valiant fight...No it wasn't, who am I kidding? Nocturna grabbed her and beat her down. Angelique couldn't do a darn thing about it.
I feel kinda cheated because some rulings were made after I had made certian decisions. My character would have known things that had been decided upon, and therefore wouldn't have made the choices that she did. It was a joke, really.
But whatever. I'm glad I don't have to deal with that stinking accent anymore. :wink:
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17 Comments
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| Yohootie?? |
| 06.12.04 (1:57 pm) [edit] |
I have this thing.
I don't know what it is. I think I might know what it used to be, but I can't be sure. Time has a way of fogging one's memories.
This thing, it lives in my refrigerator. In August, it will be a year old. I know this because that is when my mother bought me a nice set of blue glass bowls. One of which is now home to my strange and unsettling guest.
I think that it used to be gravy. After a couple of weeks, I hesitated to rid myself of the rapidly morphing substance out of fear. The smell. The disgusting thought of touching it with my bare hands. I tried to rationalize my inactions by telling myself that if I leave it long enough, it will dry up, thereby banishing the horrible odor that it was, no doubt, emitting.
This line of reasoning worked for many months, until one day, I realised that my fear had slowly transformed into a wierd facination. I have to admit that my curiosity had gotten the better of me. I would check it's progress from time to time, slowly forming a strange, wordless bond with it.
I would like to have my bowl back, but I can't seem to bring myself to serve the eviction notice. This whole situation could be set right if it would only leave. Just get the hell out of my bowl and see the world or something. I think that soon it will be capable of it, if not already. But no. It seems to be very happy right where it is.
Truthfully, I think I might even miss it. It has been such a constant part of my fridge contents that if it were suddenly gone, I don't know what I would put in it's place. I think I would leave it empty for a while. A symbolic gesture. And the bowl...Could I use it again? I could fill it with anything, but in the end, I think it would just be a bowl of sad emptiness.
Have you ever heard the legend of Yohootie? He's supposedly the little guy that lives in your refrigerator. He turns the light on and off when you open and shut the door. Of course I know how a fridge door works and that the light is activated by the release of a button when the door opens. However, I can't help but wonder if the legend of Yohootie was spawned by a phenomenon similar to the one occuring in my own home.
Will I ever have my bowl back? Or will I soon have another mouth to feed?
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3 Comments
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| I got the shirt...hehehe |
| 06.12.04 (9:38 am) [edit] |
I bought a new set of strings for poor ole Jen. Now her guitar sings like the harps of the angels and with it, she brings giants to their knees.
I had some friends over for movies last night. We watched Dog Soldiers and Blade. Leah got tickled like crazy after Mark and James filled her full of sugar. THAT was interesting. It was funny to watch them play with her...heheh. Kinda like two kids getting a new toy or something.
After everyone but Jen left, we decided to watch Quills. I fell asleep. Not that it was a bad movie, just that it was around 3am or so, and I was tired. So, we're gonna try to get together later this week to watch the rest of it.
That was our Friday night.
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2 Comments
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| Strings for Jen |
| 06.11.04 (9:35 am) [edit] |
I think that there is a curse upon Jen's strings.
She was over at my place the other day and broke a guitar string. Then she changed it with another one and broke that one too. Crazy.
This weekend should be a good one. I'm glad it's Friday. I've been busy signing up for U of S orientation and stuff for the last couple of days, so that, in addition to work and a multitude of other little projects and things that I've been up to, has kept me pretty busy.
I wish I didn't have to work on Saturday. :(
I want a weekend off, dammit!!
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5 Comments
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| My Letter Came Today |
| 06.09.04 (3:39 pm) [edit] |
I've been admitted into the College of Arts and Science for the 2004/2005 regular session.
[i][u][b]I'M SO EXCITED!!![/b][/u][/i]
:D
[LINE]
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10 Comments
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| Movies |
| 06.09.04 (6:39 am) [edit] |
What is it about movies that automatically makes you want to buy the super duper combo as soon as you walk in the door?
Admittedly, one of the big appeals to going to the theatre is the snacks and drinks that people have become accustomed to having by their side as they sit there. Stuffing great handfuls of fluffy popcorn into their mouth as they become mesmerized by whichever mind numbing display of cinematography that they have chosen to pollute themselves with.
But, why is it that I always seem to think that I need the biggest flippin' popcorn available? I firmly believe that movie theatres are riddled with subliminal advertising, causing me to expend ridiculous amounts of money for a product that I don't really want but feel that I must have and, in reality, only costs pennies to produce. That's right people...It's not my fault. The bad people made me do it.
So, after taking my daughter to Harry Potter last night, I realized that I had become a victim once again. HUGE popcorn....and I didn't even eat an eighth of it. Sigh. Damn them movie people. I call them, collectively, "The Pusher Man". They should be ashamed of themselves, but I know that those involved in the underworld of overpriced movie consessions cannot have a conscience and surely must have sold their souls to the Devil long ago.
Damn them and the dollar signs reflected in their eyes.
[LINE]
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5 Comments
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| Harry Potter goodness |
| 06.08.04 (8:18 am) [edit] |
Leah is crazy for Harry Potter.
So, that's what we're doin' tonight. It should be fun. I love going to movies with her. It is one of the perks of having kids...you always have someone around to go do things with. That and the fact that you can talk them into eating worms. That is also pretty cool. :twisted:
Last night was very uneventful. Leah came home from her Dad's house and we played for a bit. After that, I set her up with a movie so I could doze for an hour or so.
I forgot to renew my plates on my truck, so as of Sunday, I have no insurance. Its kinda freaking me out, considering my track record for accidents. :roll:
Anyhow, that's about it.
Ciao!
[LINE]
Well, I got my stuff done.
It's a relief to be insured again.
Man, I can't even remember how many accidents I've had. I've hit numberous parked cars. Just love taps, really...except that one truck with the fiberglass box that just shattered. I've hit least 6 of them that I can remember..probably more. Parking lots are baaaad places for Michelle.
I've hit garbage cans and fences and I even hit a wall one time. I was only creeping though...nothing fast.
I t-boned a lady in the mall parking lot and wrecked mom's car. I've hit the ditch more than a few times. I've rolled a car. I t-boned a truck with it a couple of years later, finally totaling it. I've had 4 minor accidents with my truck since I got it about 2 years ago. The funny thing is that none of these accidents were my fault...except for the petty running into parked cars.
Before I started driving, I was in two accidents with my mom (she was driving). That was before she got run over by a semi trailer and totalled the car, finally. :shock: I swear, it's a flippin' miracle that any of us are still alive.
I think it's hereditary. Anyhow, I'm insured and for some reason the angel on my shoulder told me that I should invest in a package policy this year. :wink: [LINE]
Oh, Leah and I had a crazy conversation this morning getting ready for work.
She noticed that the fish bowl was on the counter and asked me why. I told her that I was going to clean it after work and I didn't want to forget, so I put it on the counter.
Then, she asked me if the water was dirty because the fish poops in it, and I said yes, it is. So she tells me that we should get a fish nappie for him. I asked her what a fish nappie is, and she said that it's a nappie that the fish can poop on.
I said that I don't think the fish is smart enough to poop in a nappie. She explained that we are supposed to hold him over it until he poops.
I told her that I don't think the fish minds pooping in the water, and that it all drops down into the rocks anyhow. To this, she replied, "Okay mom". And walked away.
What else could I say?
:lol:
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6 Comments
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| Sunday |
| 06.07.04 (6:07 am) [edit] |
First I'll talk about Saturday night. Sabbat was pretty cool. I don't really have much to say about it. The overall feel of the game was a bit different. Not necessarily in a bad way, but not necessarily in a good way either.
Wade was greatly amusing with his catlike grace and balance that left us all in hysterics. I know he was blushing under all that white makeup. :wink:
Sunday a bunch of people came over to watch movies at my place. We had pizza and snacks and stuff. It was nice and relaxing after two days of gaming/working. I even did the dishes for the occasion...heh.
My shirt read, "I leave bite MARKS". This was very funny for reasons that only a few will understand. Mark.
Contrary to James' belief, I did NOT fall asleep at any time during the movie watching. He says that I moaned or something, and that, apparantly, constitutes sleeping. So maybe I had my eyes closed. Not sleeping.
Anyway...I did lose a bet against James last night. I think it was rigged, personally. I ate the last orange jelly bean in the bag (orange is my favourite kind.) earlier in the evening...when it was still LIGHT OUT!!. I am positive that the others left over were pink. James bet me that there were orange jelly beans in the bag...later in the night, after it was dark and he had a chance to pop them orange jelly beans in the bag without being seen. So I bet him that the loser would buy, next time we go for coffee. Well, damn-it if all of the jelly beans he held in his hand weren't orange. I think they were still warm from being in his pocket. But, I will honour my bet and pay for his next coffee and meal, however ill-gotten it may have been. And I will trust Karma to take care of the rest. :twisted:
I see you James. Oh yes. MARK my words.
[LINE]
Which Family Guy character are you?
[LINE]
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9 Comments
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| Here at work |
| 06.05.04 (9:14 am) [edit] |
Well, here I sit with my usual Saturday morning breakfast consisting of a 7-Eleven Big Brew with two shots of Hazelnut and 6 sugars, and a bag of Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips. No trans fats. I have declaired it the breakfast of champions.
So last night was kinda disappointing. I mean, my character was pretty new and although she knew of some freaky stuff that was happening, she didn't really have the time to do much about it. Kinda useless information. Narah was not involved in much plot at all, which made the whole event kinda lack-luster for me. I wasn't really into the whole event to begin with, so that didn't really help.
Cory's character, Vernetha was very cool, and he helped to pass the time. I can see why he wouldn't want to play that character too often though. I forgot to bring the tapioca for his costume. See, Carrie made a hollow "boil" on the top of his head, and we were going to inject tapioca pudding into it so that he could squeeze it out and eat it....YEEEEE!!!
I was sooo tired afterward. I'm sure that half of what I said in conversation was incoherant babble. Mark took Mark in the Mark of the Mark. Then they Marked it with a Mark. :wink:
It didn't help that I couldn't hear anything out of my stupid, plugged up ears. I'm sure it was frustrating for people who were trying to talk to me. It was certianly frustrating for me.
I'm looking forward to Sabbat tonight. I wish Angelique had an ear horn.
:?
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8 Comments
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| Can't sit still |
| 06.04.04 (10:44 am) [edit] |
Hoooo! Either I've had too much coffee this morning, didn't get enough sleep last night, or I'm really excited about the game tonight. I think it's probably a combo of all of the above, but I cannot relax! The weather probably has something to do with it, plus the fact that it is Friday.
It's gonna be a fun weekend, and I can't wait to get it started. SBN tonight, Sabbat tomorrow night and movies on Sunday! Wheeee! The only sucky thing about it is that I have to work on Saturday. BUT...If I get paid for working Saturday, that will cancel out all the bad and you'll be able to see the sun glinting off my pearly whites a mile away.
Yep. So I have to work like a mad woman tonight before the game to get my outfit done for tomorrow. I don' tknow if it's do-able...I have a lot of work to do. But, I'll try. What I would give for a couple of yards of "stitch Witchery" right about now. Hmmm. I have just been inspired. Stitch Witchery it is. This would have been done a long time ago if I weren't sewing machine retarded.
:lol:
[LINE]
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3 Comments
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| Tzimisci |
| 06.03.04 (6:15 am) [edit] |
| UCAUTION | | IN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP SNEEVIL AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES. |
From Go-Quiz.com
[LINE]
I'm never quite sure how to spell that.
Anyhow, Quinn and Alina came over last night and we got our hands dirty. We made plaster casts of our faces, which was lots of fun. Messy, but who says getting a little gooey can't be a good time. :wink:
Anyhow, we had fun making wise cracks while the person was under the plaster. It was awesome fun because that person couldn't crack a smile. Okay, admittedly, it was a little mean...but hey, it was much fun for all.
Here's a quote from the night that you might see on Alina's blog as well.
"You should take a shot of Dristan before you do this. It's a spray, so it's been in my nose holes, but it's Dristan. It's self-cleaning somehow, isn't it? It's communal Dristan."
Quinn rode in on his bike, so I got to see him in a pair of chaps. I also got to see his man boobs, which was exciting, yet horrifying in a wierd kinda way. He kept stating how wierd the people are in our gaming group.
Of course they are!!! I find it strange that he is so surprised by it...I mean he's only known us for...how many years?
Personally, I think our group is an uber-cool pile of geeks, and my Tszimisci character would just love to weld you all together into a big heart-shaped mass-o-friends. Yeah. Nothing wierd there.
[LINE]
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8 Comments
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| ?? |
| 06.02.04 (6:24 am) [edit] |
Well, I really don't have much to write about today.
I have had a bad ear ache for the past couple of days, and I consider calling in sick every morning, but it doesn't seem to get really bad until the afternoon/evening. It is a strange thing.
Anyhow, it's making me kinda cranky, which is probably the reason I wrote that whiney-ass post yesterday...heh. It didn't really make me feel any better about it, but I was in a foul mood and couldn't think of anything nice to write about.
So today's topic is.....
Okay, I still can't think of anything nice to write about. I've been sleeping a lot, and I'm grateful for pre-school computer games to occupy the young-un. I haven't even touched my guitar for about a week....YIKES!!
I have been trying to prepare Leah for her immunization today. Telling her that it'll only feel like a little mosquito bite. I'm gonna have to buy her a great big ice cream after this one...heh.
I'm still waiting anxiously to receive my letter from the U of S. This is killing me. I don't understand why it takes 4 - 6 weeks to make a decision. I could crochet a blanket in less time.
:?
[LINE]
I got a needle tooooo. :cry:
Leah took it like a real trooper. Then the nurse asked me when my last booster was. I drew a blank. Somewhere around grade 6 or so, I think.
Guess who got a Tetanus shot.
It was worse for me than for Leah, I think.
So, I took us both out for Dairy Queen afterward. We both needed it...to rub on our aching arms... Waaah. It was wierd to have her telling [b]ME [/b]that it'll only sting like a mosquito bite.
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2 Comments
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| Mother Phoned |
| 06.01.04 (6:24 am) [edit] |
So here's the background.
My mom and dad (stepfather) are selfish jerks. Yep. It's always been that way, but I've put up with it. Overlooked many things in the name of keeping the peace.
But recently, they began to be jerks to my daughter. So, needless to say, this upsets me. They were under the impression that they were to be Leah's godparents, but you see, I have a problem with that. The problem is that even though they're only 10 minutes away, they have never made a conscious effort to involve Leah in their lives. I thought maybe they had enough responsibility already, just being grandparents.
I mean, when I asked my dad why he never even picks up the phone to call her, he said "How can I have a conversation with a three year old." First of all, Dad, SHE'S 4!!!! And, she's been talking for two years....nonstop! And if he ever cared enough to give her a call or, heaven forbid, invite her out to stay overnight with them, he would know that. I have more intelligent conversations with her than I'll ever have with his narrow little mind.
When I put Leah on the phone with him, she asked him why he never comes to visit her. He told her, "Because you have to come and visit me first." WTF, DAD???
Don't hold your breath, because she won't be getting her license for a while.
So, here I draw the line. There is so much a person can take, but when they start playing their stupid little games with my kid, that's it.
So, I have been polite but withdrawn. I have adhered to the formalities of sending mothers day cards and birthday gifts.
My mother called and thanked me. I didn't even recognize her voice. She invited me out to visit, but I politely declined. Made up an excuse about the truck. There are a lot of things that I would like to say to them, but it would only end in a huge fight. You'd have to know my parents to know that they never believe themselves to be wrong.
These people really take the cake, and to know them is to fight with them. After so many years, I'm finally done with this. Some things never change. They can stay the same then, without me.
I can't believe he didn't even know how old she is.
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16 Comments
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IS FEELING...
Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)
How to cook an alien
Mom stuff
Suppressed Inventions
Memory Hole (What they don't want you to know)
NINJAS
The Sneeze
One Stop Shopping
Babes, Broads 'N' Bitches
Another essay by PETER
PETER strikes again
PETER goes to hell
PETER'S best work
Original by JEREMY
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